One way, or another
by thatissoprofound
Summary: Alec joins Magnus and Jace for a "fun night out". As soon as he finds himself left alone, bad company finds him and he wish he'd have stayed home. Not knowing any better, Alec finds his own remedy; making it worse than it already is. [There is some rather explicit scenes in the first chapter already - just a fair warning.]
1. Chapter 1

**°So maybe this is not a good first thing to publish, but then again it is going to set the standard and direction of where my fics are going. So this is the first one, be kind and don't eat me alive, you know all that :) Tell me what you think and I will feed you angst!Alec till you drop.**

**Also, obviously I do not own any of the characters, they are all the lovely property of Mrs. Clare, unfortunately - I am sure I would take much better care of my babies than her^^°**

Alec knew he should never have let Magnus drag him along to this shady bar where he was sitting, awkwardly waiting for his boyfriend to come back from the bathroom. He had already waited a good ten minutes and was getting restless with both worry and the feeling nagging in the pit of his stomach; that he was terribly out of place. All around him people were dancing like mad, some wearing an alarming lack of clothing. Usually Alec would find it odd and perhaps even offensive. Then again, what could you expect from a hang-out like this. He was possibly the one with the most clothes on and that was even after he had taken of his leather jacket and left it with the lady in the wardrobe, wearing only a white sleeveless top and black skinny jeans. Jace was around here somewhere as well, yet Alec had even less of a clue where he could be. He was to meet up a friend of his to hand something over before heading home; yet he had played a part in the luring that lead Alec to where he was. "It will be fun," he said.

Within a heartbeat a glass was placed before him and he looked up at the bartender, questioning written all over his face. "I didn't order this," he said as quietly as he could, without having his words drowned out in the music. The bartender smiled and waved a hand at him; "You didn't have to."

The drink had a soft white colour to it and smelled like milk. "_White Russian_," the bartender mouthed to him before he moved on to take the next order. Alec knew by experience that this was someone else having bought him a drink, it had happened before – and he still didn't get exactly why. Another ten minutes passed and the drink before him had started to liquify; still no sign of Magnus. Alec figured he might as well drink the white liquid and took a sip from it; actually it was one of the better he'd gotten and not before long he had downed the glass. He asked the bartender for another one but was ignored when it came to paying. "_He has it covered,_" the bartender's mouth seemed to tell him and Alec didn't think twice about who 'He' was but sat down looking at the glass in his hands. He was sure he had seen Jace drink one of these once. Where was Jace? And where the hell was Magnus?

"Is this seat taken?" Alec snapped out of his wondering where the two people he knew in the building was, by the loud voice of a screaming man, trying to make himself heard over the music. Alec shook his head and looked back out over the dancefloor, across which the bathrooms were located. Being seated at the bar, he had a full view of the doors as well, able to see whether Jace left or not.

"Can I get you a drink?" the man asked and Alec sensed a slight slurr. He shook his head once again and turned away from the stranger. "Are you sure?" the man insisted and leaned in to not have to shout his throat raw. "You look like a _White Russian _kind of guy," he predicted.

Aren't you clever, Alec thought as he looked down at the drink in his hands.

"Actually I'm the 'I have a boyfriend that wouldn't be too pleased seeing you clinging onto me in that way' kind of guy," Alec said, sounding way more superior than he felt, probably because of the burning liquid he had consumed. The grip the man had on Alec's lower arm, that Alec hadn't even realised, loosened and the man leaned back, giving Alec a long look.

"Just because you are all black hair and blue eyes, prettier than most, you don't have to go all almighty on the rest of us," the stranger that could have been attractive, had it not been for his rubbish attitude said and leaned in once again, but this time Alec was aware of the grip on his arm. "If I were you I'd run off to the boyfriend or –"

"Care to finish that sentence outside?" Alec looked up at the sudden presence of a familiar voice and saw Magnus stand right behind him, his hand carefully but firmly moving up on Alec's shoulder, giving it a reasuring squeeze. The stranger's grip loosened once more and Alec let out the air he had no idea he was holding. "Fuck off, will you?"

With a wink and a sly smile the man walked over to whatever corner of the club he had come from and Magnus walked up to stand before Alec. "Are you alright?" he asked, his voice deeply marked with concern. His black eyeliner had smudged slightly around his eyes and his forehead was trinkled with sweat. Alec nodded and met Magnus halfway for a lingering kiss. He didn't want it to end but Magnus broke it and took his boyfriend's face in his hands, smiling slightly at him. "I'm going to have to leave," he ignored Alec's sigh and continued. "I got a call on my way back from the toilet and a client needs me. You want me to give you a ride home?"

"I'm fine!" Alec assured him. "I can catch a ride with Jace." He knew that if he was to go with Magnus he would just end up feeling lonely at the flat, so he might just as well remain here in the bar, trying to figure out how many more layers of make-up there were than clothes, like he used to. "I'm sure!" he added as Magnus gave him a concerned look.

"Call me if you need anything, alright? I might just come back when I'm done though if it doesn't take too long – just let me know where to find you and I'll be there." They shared another kiss and Magnus walked out, waving at Alec over his shoulder without turning around. The second Magnus was out of Alec's field of view he picked out his mobile phone and texted Jace. _Where are you?_

"Want to dance?"

Alec looked up and found an attractive brunette standing right before him. His left hand was one Alec's shoulder; how had it been placed there withouth Alec noticing, just in the same place as Magnus's had been just a moment earlier and his other one was on his own hip, placed just upon the patch of skin that showed between his shirt and jeans. Shaking his head, Alec smiled slightly and leaned in to tell him that he didn't dance, when the man leaned in as well. Thinking that he would try and kiss him, Alec pulled out and smiled again, shaking his head. "Come on handsome, one dance can't hurt you," he smiled and tilted his head in the direction of the dancefloor.

Until Jace answers, he told himself, until then he could join this charming creature on the dancefloor. Alec stood down and took a step towards the dancing crowd as the man tapped him on the shoulder, handing him his half full drink. Alec finished it in one gulp and headed for the floor.

Glimpses of a dancefloor, a blonde smiling and a blackhaired throwing his head back to laugh. Someone placing their hand behind his back to steady him, others bumping into him as he shoves someone aside. A pair of hands steering him straight. Straight through a door that slams shut behind him. As if waking up, Alec looks around. It looked like an alley but with walls and a ceiling. Could have been a storage room had it not been for the construction tools and plastic.

"What the fuck were you saying?" someone laughed as the hands let go of Alec and he grasped a wall not to fall flat on the concrete floor. Soon enough someone took a fist full of his hair and steered his face towards the one light bulb in the room, causing him to squint.

"This one," another amused voice, strangely familiar, possibly also the owner of the nails digging into his scalp, said giving Alec's cheek a light pat. "This is the Almighty God that sees himself too fine and unreachable for the rest of us. Where is your boyfriend now?" Alec realised he was spoken to but had no chance of answering before a slap was placed below his right eye, making his head spin worse than it already was. "Where is he now?"

"Calm now, calm," said a third voice, this one just as amused as the other two, and this one familiar as well. It belonged to the brunette. Alec's head might be spinning but he knew that much. He could hear the first man laugh again, but he still could not see his face since the light was blinding him.

"Says the one drugging him!"

"I just helped him out," said the brunette and Alec could hear he was moving closer, his steps clapping on the concrete floor. "He was fairly cooperative on his own but one always needs a push." Alec could feel another hand on his face, this one tracing the line of his bottom lip. "Right?" He shook his head to get rid of the hands touching his skin but in a heart beat a hand was on his throat and his twisting stopped. "What do you want?" he asked hoarsly, unable to get much else out due to the lack of air.

"We can show you," the brunette smiled and leaned in, in front of the light, blocking the rays from the bulb blinding Alec. He could now see all three of them. The brunette was, just as he had thought, standing right before him, a slight smile on his face. His hair was tousled as if someone had run his fingers through it and he had his hands in his pockets as he stood there, looking straight at Alec. Beside him was the blackhaired man that Alec had turned down, the one being threatened by Magnus. He was still wearing his ugly expression of superiority and arrogance as he stood, Alec's neck the only thing between his hand and the wall. He was standing so close that Alec could feel his breath on his skin. The third man was a blonde. He was probably the one that spoke first and he too did smile a rouge smile. The blonde took a few steps forward and stopped only as he was right in front of Alec.

"He isn't _that _pretty," he said heavily and twirled a strand of Alec's hair around his fingers. "I mean, I have seen prettier, myself not counted." A slight chuckle escaped all three of them and with that, the grip of Alec's neck loosened. He thrust forward in a desperate attempt to get away but the hand slammed him back into the wall with such force that he heard a crack. He prayed it was the wall.

"Behave!" said the blackhaired man and leaned in. "You don't want us to punish you."

Alec's eyes were tearing up and he tried to look anywhere but at the three men. It was rather hopeless as they were all standing right before him now. Instead he looked to the ground, finding that the brunette and the blonde both had their hands in their jeans, massaging their erections. The brunette moved his hand towards Alec and gave him a hard look. "You actually mean that I managed to get the same guy that turned you down?" he asked, gazing towards the man holding Alec's throat. A nod told him that he was right. "That has to mean you are rather... frustrated with him."

Alec's face collided with the floor with a thud and he hadn't more than crawled to his knees as a kick was placed just below his ribcage. Falling to his side, the next kick did hit his ribcage. Alec looked up as the kicking stopped, only to face a hand reaching out to grab his hair, pulling his head up, a blow being placed in the middle of it and Alec felt his lip split.

"Don't ruin his pretty face; how will his boyfriend love him then?"

The grip forced Alec's head up. "I'm sorry," said the blackhaired man and leaned in to wipe some of the blood trailing over Alec's chin off. Alec was going to tell him to fuck off, but the next blow, placed in the middle of his abdomen caused him to loose his breath and he fell back to the floor. Looking up he saw that the other two's pumping had increased and the blonde was even unable to keep his eyes open for longer than a few seconds at a time. With his head still spinning he tried desperately to get to his knees and he managed, only to have his face slammed back into the floor. "Not so fast," said the man behind him. "I'm not done yet."

A pair of hands reached around to his waist, but when trying to scramble up Alec felt his head pressed down. The brunette had moved to press his head down whilst the man behind him struggled with Alec's belt.

The moaning in the room had increased and wasn't cut of when the sound of a pocket knife's blade was flicked out and Alec felt pressure to the leather strap that was hooked into the loops of his jeans. With a ripping sound the cut of belt was torn out of the loops and thrown aside. The patience was gone and the blackhaired man used the knife to rid Alec's pants of the buttons as well before roughly pushing them down over his hips and thighs. Alec could feel a small trickle of blood slick his shirt to his stomach from a shallow cut just above his waist. Kicking and punching was useless since a another set of hands were on him now. The blonde had come to help by pressing his hands into the same cold material as his face. Alec could feel bits of loose concrete bury itself in his skin.

"I'll fuck you so hard you'll come back begging for more," he moaned. "How would your boyfriend like that? His little wife becoming a slut for proper cock. I bet he will love that."

Alec felt the tears finally slip over the edges and spilled onto his cheeks and the concrete.

"Please, please don't," he chanted but no one heard him.

He felt how all three of them inhaled seconds before his ass was spread. He felt the spit as it was placed in his crack and so, withouth preparation and any other lube the man pressed in, head to shaft in one go and Alec felt himself bursting. The pain was beyond painful and he felt his face being pressed further into the floor as the brunette moaned loudly finding his way back to his cock.

"Ah, this is one tight ass," moaned the man inside Alec, but he couldn't hear it. His crying was too intense and as the man pulled out and pressed in even further Alec let out a desperate scream. For anyone, whoever, just someone. He continued to sob loudly as the man's rough pounding caused his hole to open, wider and wider. Moving in exstacy the man brought down hard spanks on Alec's ass cheeks with one hand at each pound, spreading his ass with the other one.

A hand yanked his head up, squiting in the blur of light and tears he saw the brunette pressing his cock into Alec's mouth, making sure he took each inch in. "Take it in, pretty boy. All of it."

"No need to cry princess, we're taking care of you," spoke the blonde and Alec could heard the intense breathing all around him as the spanks and tuggs no longer felt more than pats compared to the the pain that the man behind him caused him or the one in his throat as he time upon time gagged on the cock that cut off his air supply.

"There you go precious, good going."

"Honey."

"Darling."

"Baby."

" Sweetie."

"Angel."

"Sweetheart."

With each affectionate name Alec felt worse and worse. All he could think about, regardless of the intense pain from the penetration and the slaps, was Magnus. And he knew that they knew that. He knew that they saw that he was hurting, not only physically but he couldn't hide it.

"Look at me when you suck it!" the brunette suddenly burst out and yanked Alec's head so that he was forced to look at him. He then let his other hand reach up in Alec's hair and hold his head still as he pumped in and out roughly, not caring about Alec's throat clogging or the saliva and phlegm that streamed out of his mouth. Pulling out carelessly the brunette grasped his cock and gave Alec a hard slap with it across his face, smearing the phlegm over his cheeks and chin. " You like it, don't you? All the attention you get."

"Of course he does," the blonde breathed but the brunette ignored him.

"You love having boys and girls in all ages and shapes strut around you, hoping to get noticed. And all _you_ do is sashay around with your head so far up your ass that we'll have to dig deep, and long, to find it." He violently pushed Alec's head up, his nails digging into the scalp. " You like it, don't you?"

The man behind him groaned loudly and grabbed a firmer hold of Alec's ass cheeks to spread them. Alec could feel the blood trail. The tried to squirm but the grip of his hair prevented him. "Tell him you like it. Tell him you want more, harder. Tell him to bury his cock so far up your ass that you won't be able to walk for weeks."

The thrusting against Alec had him screaming again, and slaps were placed across his face. He could hear the increased moaning around him. "Beg him to fuck you harder!" Alec shook his head with his tear stained face twisted in pain but the brunette picked up the knife that his blackhaired friend had left out and put it to Alec's neck. "_Beg him_."

"Please..." Alec started but the grip of his hair tightened, as did the pressure of the knife. "Harder," he cried. "Please."

"Beg him to fuck you like your boyfriend."

Alec went silent but as the pressure of the knife cause him to bleed he opened his mouth, tasting the salt of blood and tears. "Please, fuck me... like my... like my boyfriend."

"What's his name?"

"Magnus," Alec said and cried out at an especially hard thrust.

"Say it."

"Fuck me like Magnus. Please–"

At that the blackhaired man came. Hard and Alec could feel how he pressed Alec's ass cheeks together, thrusting a long time after he had emptied his load inside Alec, pulling out with a loud sigh.

"Good boy," he smiled as he came around Alec and patted him on his head.

"Fuck you," Alec sighed. A slap so hard that he fell to the ground was the response to that. But soon enough he was picked up again by the blonde who spread his legs even more and spat once on Alec's already bloody and abusedly open hole before he pressed in. Staying fully in for a while before pulling out. Something trailed down his thigh, he wasn't sure. Blood, spit, cum. It didn't really matter. The blonde didn't take too long, he pushed the brunettes hands away and took hold of Alec's hair himself. He used it to pull Alec further onto his cock as he pounded into the already abused hole. The brunette kept on patting Alec's neck, pinching his shoulders and collar bones whenever Alec made a cry or complained. Alec had his hands pressed together under the brunette's knees, making it impossible for him to move as the blonde pressed so far in that Alec screamed out into the air.

"How can your ass still be so tight?" he enquired and gave it a rough spank.

"He was born a slut," the brunette said and patted Alec's hair covered and sweaty forehead. "He was born one and he will always be one. It doesn't matter if he has his precious Magnus to protect him. Whoever wants to fuck him is going to. Because he is a slut and he likes to have his ass fucked, with anything."

The blonde moaned and gave a few harder, final thrusts before pulling out to come over Alec's back and ass. Then he stepped up and walked aside as the brunette rightened Alec's position. He was still on all four and his face in the same height as the brunette's cock. It was pressed in and Alec immediately gagged.

"You'll love this," the brunette smiled as the blackhaired walked around Alec again and sat down there along with the blonde. They spread Alec and if pain had been felt before then this was astronomical compared to it. Alec felt the bottom of a bottle being pressed into him with such force that the blood streamed down his thighs along with leaked cum and spit that they both used again as lube. The brunette pumped harder and harder, holding Alec's head still as he fucked it, his eyes focused on the bottle moving in and out of Alec. Before Alec passed out he felt his throat fill with cum. So was his mouth and all over his face the white substance was splattered. With two slaps he fell to the side as the brunette pulled out, the bottle still inside him. Two kicks was placed in his side and one to the bottle, pressing it further in.

Only a few seconds before Alec's eyes closed he felt the vibration in his pocket, coming from his mobils phone, telling him that Jace had replied to his text message.


	2. Chapter 2

**°First off, I didn't think anyone would read this so thank you for the reviews already. Also it looks like this, that was meant to be a stand-alone, is going to be a just a tad longer. I worked out a plot that I think work; I just need to figure out which characters I want it so feel free to let me know if you want someone special in the mix! Also this is one of those complicated AU's where they are in fact still Shadowhunters, I just don't care too much for the original plot, i.e. I can avoid deaths I didn't like. And so I don't know when, in comparison to the books, this takes place :)**

**I don't own them gorgeous characters, but I wish I did.°**

**[JACE'S POV]**

Irritation spread through his body. If you call someone you have to expect the same person to call back and answer when they do so. The same goes for texts.

"_Where are you?_" Well, as he said, he'd meet up with a friend. He texted Alec back, telling him to meet up at the front at 1am, sharp. It was now 2.03 and Jace had sent several texts, most of them in capital letters, wondering 'where the actual hell' Alec were.

"Fucking pathetic, that's what he was," someone said behind Jace and made him jump – straight into another person coming from behind him. "Sorry," Jace offered but the man just scowled at him and kept on walking. "But one can't deny that those blue eyes were made for looking into as you pounded that mouth, eh?"

Jace couldn't tell, but something about that had his attention and he turned to see where the men had come from. He'd guess the back door, and headed for it. Thankfully, the door was open and as Jace opened it, he wished he wouldn't have. On the floor lay Alec. Jace threw himself at him and picked his brother's head up into his hands. It was heavy as led. At least he could hear slight mumbles coming from Alec. At least he was alive. His face paler than usual, creating a painful contrast to his pitch black hair. His pants pushed down to his ankles and the blood – blood everywhere.

He pulled his steele out to start on an _iratze_ but Alec moaned something that sounded strikingly alike a 'no'. So Jace put his hand down.

"What the hell–" Jace started but didn't finish the sentence as he saw the bottle. His insides turned and he put all his strength into not throwing up on the spot. He had seen a lot for someone his age but this was just something else. "Who the fuck–". All these started questions but he didn't care to finish them. He had to get Alec out of there. He didn't care about anything else right now. But where to start? Calling someone was not an option at the moment. Neither was trying to get Alec to walk out of there on his own.

"Hey Alec?" He waited for response but got none. "Alec?" he tried a little louder and Alec moaned, causing Jace to swallow some of the worry. "Hey I'm going to get you out of here, alright? I''ll get you out, I just need to get you sorted first, alright? That is alright, yeah?" Jace kept talking, talking and talking all the while he put Alec's head down. Alec had to know that he was not alone; Jace was there now. "I'm going to get you back home, don't you worry." He moved quickly; partly because he wanted the minimum pain for Alec, though that appeared to be too late, and partly because he didn't know how to handle this. He removed the bottle and moved straight back up to Alec, who cried out in pain. Jace leaned in to kiss his brother's head and pressed his lips against the sweaty forehead.

As he sat there with Alec's head in his lap, he picked up his brother's phone and saw all the unread messages, sent from himself but also from Magnus. He saw the text he himself sent where he threatened to leave if Alec didn't let him know whether he was still there or not. The one where he let Alec know he'd be out in a second. The one where he used caps to create effect and let Alec know that taxi's were hard to grab at this time. And he saw the text from Magnus, telling him 'good night' and that he loved him. His eyes traveling from the phone to the pale tear-stained face before him, he could feel not only boiling anger, but also guilt; had he only kept an eye open for Alec as Magnus left this wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have let this happen to his brother. But he did and for that sole reason he did not call Magnus. He could not let the warlock see him fail so miserably at looking after Alec.

Getting Alexander back to the institute was harder than expected. Most taxis would not even stop thinking they were just another two way too drunken teens. Finally, after having left Alec leaned against a lamp post, and stepped out in the street, Jace managed to get an older man to stop. Given the address, he drove them.

The only one awake as they got to the Institute was Church. He complained loudly about being awoken as they stumbled through the door, the strength rune Jace had drawn on himself fading quickly as he more or less carried his _parabatai_ inside. Jace only pushed the cat aside with his foot as they made their way to Jace's room. "Just a bit further buddy, just a few more steps," he kept chanting, more to himself than Alec seeing as the older appeared to have fainted.

"When I catch the fuckers, on the Angel – I don't know what I'll do to them and their sorry asses," Jace muttered as he moved from the bathroom where he left Alec, sitting in the tub with the water running, to get towels and antiseptic cream. The water seemed to have cleared Alec's head somewhat, though the blonde was not sure it was for the better. He was now fully aware that his younger brother had found him, taken him back and put him in the tub. He had not said a single word apart from the 'no' back in the back room of the club. He only pulled back at every attempt Jace made of drawing an _iratze _on him. "You know it'll make it better," Jace kept insisting but Alec was stubborn – no matter what anyone said – more stubborn than Jace.

"Do you want me to help you?" Jace asked though he knew an answer wouldn't be given. As Alec, still silent, shook his head, Jace nodded – giving Alec a faint smile. "I'll be right out here if you need me, alright? You just shout and I'll be right back, yeah?" Not even expecting a nod, Jace left and closed the door behind him.

Leaving Alec alone, left Jace with time to think. But he could not get his head around the whole situation. How could someone have had enough strength to take on and do that to Alec? Jace had already ruled out demons, it did surely not look like the work of one at least. But that only led to more questions; humans? Alec could fight humans. Stretching out on the bed, Jace pushed his fingers through his blonde strands. They caught on some tangles and he gave up, pulling his hand back. He picked up his phone instead and composed a text and sent it just in time for Alec to tentatively call from the bathroom.

In less than a second Jace was up and pushing the door open. He looked down at Alec, sitting in the bloodied water, water drops falling from his fringe onto his bruised face. "Need a hand up?

About two hours later, Alec was finally in bed, tucked under blankets, Jace sitting beside him on the bedside. Jace thought he could hear faint snoring and he let himself relax. He wouldn't leave Alec's side throughout the night but he could not deny being tired. Only physically though, mentally he had never been more awake.

He wondered how Alec, such a powerful fighter could have ended up in that situation. No matter how many times he found another path to let his brain travel on, this was the one that he always came back to. Surely, had they been a group they could have taken him on, but he would never have entered that backroom without any suspicion. He would never–

Alec's breathing quickly grew heavier and Jace half-expected him to wake up but as he didn't he simply took his _parabatai's_ hand and held it. He'd have to talk to Alec in the morning, whether he'd like to or not, but for now holding his hand was his only way of helping.


	3. Chapter 3

**°I am overly grateful for all the reads and reviews, don't forget that :D Also next chapter will have more action to it and this feels like a chapter that works more or less as a filler for what's to come - bare with me.**

**I still do not own them. One day I'll steal them and they'll be mine but for now they belong to Cassandra Clare. °**

**[JACE'S POV]**

"Rise and shine."

The room was dark, but only until Jace hit the light switch. Alexander sat awkwardly on the bedside, his head between his knees.

"Well at least you are awake," Jace tried but walked warily towards his brother. He sat down almost close enough for them to touch, on the bed. Alec straightened up and winced at the pain. His eyes were swollen red with tears and his hair plastered to a sweaty forehead. He stared straight ahead, his chest heaving being his only movement. "How are you doing?"

Jace didn't get an answer, and to be honest – he hadn't expected one either. Alec looked apathetic, the only sign of emotion being his reddened eyes. He did not even react when Jace's phone gave away a loud signal, telling him that he had received a text. Pulling out the phone, it took Jace a quick glance to read the answer before putting the phone back down. He could see that Alec's eyes had traveled to the phone as well, trying to see who his brother was texting.

"Don't worry, it wasn't Magnus." Jace thought he detected a small hint of relief in Alec's posture – but he said nothing.

They remained silent for another couple of minutes, Jace's head spinning with things he could say, should say, probably shouldn't say – yet he kept his mouth shut. There was a point where it would still have been okay to say something but given the time of silence they'd shared now it would just feel bad to break it – especially since he didn't have anything specific to utter. Alec shifted on his patch and grunted quietly. Jace took the sudden sound as a queue and leaned in slightly.

"Alec," he started not really sure where this was going. "Want to tell me what happened?" Still nothing coming from the other end. He tried again. "Anything really? Do you remember anything?"

Alec's eyes kept straight ahead. Not budging a millimeter. It was as if though Jace was not there at all. Or Alec could just as well have been somewhere else. As if though Alec wasn't aware of Jace being there for him.

"Alec you _have_ to talk to me," Jace said suddenly and reached for Alec's arm. In an instant, faster than Jace had seen Alec move before, he pulled his arm back with a jerk.

"I– ,"Jace looked at his brother more closely. Alexander's hair was all over in black tangles, and the tips of his fingers were marked with dried blood. The normally blue eyes were like bottomless orbits of paleness, one of them marked with a black eye. They seemed to focus on the crumpled clothes in the corner of the room, the clothes from yesterday. Alec's fingers suddenly fidgeting and his eyes twitching, as if though they felt Jace's attention on them. His arms covered in coated blood and under it; scratches. "Let me give you something for that," Jace started but Alec threw a hand out to keep Jace from using his steele.

Half in chock, Jace pulled back and grabbed Alec's wrist. And half-expectantly Alec pulled loose. Surely Jace was strong but he had trained with Alec and he knew he possessed just the same amount of technique and skill. What he wasn't expecting though was Alec's hand moving back up to slap Jace across the face, knuckles first. And it was as if though they both realised it at the same time. Jace's face mostly in astonishment, taken completely off guard and Alec's expression a mixture of hurt and fright. The blue eyes were tearing up again and Jace stood up form the bed.

"I'll give you some time, yeah?" Jace said softly, wanting Alec to know that he in no way blamed him. "I will be downstairs when", not _if_, "you need me. Just let me know." And at that he left the room.

One two-hour training session, thee episodes of lame re-runs and a catastrophic attempt of lunch later Jace heard the floor boards of the stairs creak. Alec was on his way downstairs. It was slow and joined by grunts of pain but he was on his way and Jace was going to let him come down in his own, even if it mean listening to Alec hurt on the way. He sat down by the kitchen table, to eat the poor excuse for macaroni-and-cheese he had composed. He ended up mostly poking through the plate until someone cleared their throat behind him. Jace looked up from his macaroni-fort and saw Alec standing in the door opening.

"Up already?" Jace asked stupidly.

"As if you did not hear me grunting my way down quite a while ago," Alec retorted bitterly but Jace could trace a hint of a smile.

Jace opened his mouth as if to say something but Alec beat him to it. "Besides it is 4pm, 'already' doesn't quite fit in."

"Obviously sleeping in made you sassy. I like you better when you get up at 6," Jace said returning to the macaroni-boat traveling in the cheese-river.

"Me too, feels like I slept away a life-time. But I see you found yourself a new hobby," Alec said as he came around to the table and sat down opposite of Jace. The blonde looked up to find that Alec meant the food plate. But he also saw that Alec winced violently as he sat down.

"You should make that your profession," Alec said encouragingly, sizing the fort up with his eyes.

"I really should. I mean, hunting demons never really quite did it for me, I think I need something a bit more subtle."

Alexander smiled slightly and looked down at the table, picking at a dent in it where Isabelle once sunk a dagger in it, in anger of not getting to follow her brothers on a hunt. She had been 14 and Mayrse had been especially firm, almost not even letting Jace and Alec go.

"She was so angry," Alec suddenly said. "I was almost scared of her."

"I specifically recall that you said that she 'scared the shit of you' when we left for the L."

"Your memory is far too good for your own good sometimes," Alec stated. "But I guess that is why you manage to build such grand building from nothing but memories, right?" he continued, hinting towards the fort again.

They remained silent for a while, neither of them saying anything. Jace picking at his food again and Alec watching him as his fingers circled the dent in the wooden table.

"Thank you," Alec said at last and Jace looked up, straight into the blue he was used to.

"What for?" But the second Jace asked that he realised what for.

"Cleaning me up, not calling Magnus... Getting me out of there. For letting me make my way down the bloody stairs on my own." At that last part he let out a slight laugh and Jace's insides heated up.

"Really, it is not something you wouldn't have done for me," Jace said honestly and his brother smiled down into the table again.

"You could probably have avoided getting into that situation in the first place," Alec admitted, smile fading as his nails started carving out small pieces of wood in the already damaged surface.

"Hey!" Jace said quickly. "It has nothing to do with that?" But he had not idea of how to continue that argument and fell silent.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, it wasn't your fault," Alec said and stood up so abruptly he had to hold onto the edge of the table for a short while before moving again. Jace moved to help but Alec only raised his hand. He didn't need Jace's help. Before he left the room he turned around and gave Jace a slight smile. "I'm going to lie down, alright? I'll be down again tomorrow."

Jace watched him leave. He wanted to ask Alec to tell him, to just let him know what happened, if he remembered anything. Anything that could help but he didn't. He couldn't bare himself to ask Alec to relive that night. So he let him go.


	4. Chapter 4

**°ASDFGHJKL you guys, you guys, thank you so much for the reviews and reads :D So I know that there has been a lot of Jace all over the place but it will clear out why, be patient :) So heh yet more Jace in this but more Alec moments are coming up, I promise! Also I know this is shamefully short but... I don't have an excuse for that tbh. ANYWAY; please do share thoughts and such, oh and let me know if you want someone into this, I have a few empty spots for characters that I need to fill :) **

**Still don't own anything, only the socks I wear and my dog :) °**

**[JACE'S POV]**

A week had passed since Jace and Alec had joined at the kitchen table. Jace had hardly seen his brother since. Whenever Alec didn't spend entire days locked away in his bedroom he was so busy that Jace only saw him when he was in the middle of doing something else; carrying weapons to the Weapon's Room, on his way to work out, about to start on dinner, reading about something that Jace could not in his wildest imaginations pronounce. He had just seen a lot less of his brother. He tried to strike a conversation every chance he got though.

"Want to practice sparring?" Alec needed to get his knife skills back on track.

"I could help you with dinner." Alec was already done and needed no help, but would let Jace know when it was done so they could share it in silence.

"You want help to carry that?" Alec should be able to carry the weapons back on his own, after all he carried them all when hunting without problem.

"Have you heard from Magnus?" Alec was so occupied with training he apparently couldn't hear Jace speaking, yet said 'okay' when Jace said he'd go meet up with Clary.

After six days Jace let him be. Decided that he would come if he wanted to talk, but made sure to always be around if that was the case. Instead he met up with Clary. She was the first and only one he had talked to about Alec. She was the only one who knew what had happened, though Jace spared her plenty of details, and he planned on keeping in that way. He should have told their parents that their son had been attacked. He should have let Izzy know that her brother was hurt. He should have called Magnus straight away to tell him that his boyfriend had been violated in ways no one ever should be. But he hadn't. He hadn't called anyone. He had texted Clary and kept doing that to keep her updated. Partly so that she could help him lie to the others in case they asked her questions and partly because he couldn't keep his head straight and Clary was the only one to help him do that. She was the only one to help him from crashing, alongside Alec.

"He still won't talk to you?" Clary asked as she sat down, handing Jace a cup of tea.

"Oh he is talking, just not about what I want him to talk about." Jace thought about the times when he has asked Alec about what had happened, subtly putting it in sentences hoping that Alec would catch on; though he never did. Jace doubted Alec would respond even if he asked him bluntly.

Clary leaned in, taking all of Jace's attention, placing a hand on Jace's chest – balancing her cup in the other, and planted a small kiss on his lips. Jace's inside tingled and he couldn't help but give her a small smile back before returning the kiss. "You know you are making him better, right?" she said and kissed him again.

"It just feels like I am constantly in the way of him and what he really want to do. it feels like I am in the way of him getting better by bringing up what happened. I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it but I need him to tell me what happened." Jace let out a loud sigh and put his untouched cup down in the side table. He would have kept staring at the wall in front of him for forever had Clary not taken a gentle hold of his chin to steer his eyes towards her. He gave her a faint smile. He loved listening to her. Especially when she somehow straightened out thoughts in his head that he didn't even realize he had trouble fitting together.

"You are not keeping him from doing anything," she said. "The only one keeping him from doing that is himself by not wanting to talk about it. By being there when, not if, when he wants to talk, you are helping him loads."

This made all the sense to Jace. He knew it made sense, but he just couldn't grasp it. How could he help Alec by not doing anything at all. All he really wanted for Alec to do was to tell his brother exactly what he wanted done and Jace would do it, ten-fold if Alec wanted it. As long as he got to do something apart from being around the Institute watching Alec acting better but altogether not getting better at all.

The remained in the couch for another hour or so before Alec got back up from the Weapon's Room. Clary looked up immediately and Jace tensed, though he had no idea why. But Alec looked just as relaxed as always. He smiled as he saw Clary.

"Hey there!" This alone was out of character but Clary managed a "H-hi," back.

"I'm going out," Alec said shortly and turned around before any of them had a chance to reply.

"He seems to be doing _very_ good," Clary observed as they heard the door close. Jace shrugged, anything was an improvement from the night he found him.

"He could be using runes to reduce the pain and all that, but it feels like he should have at least some baggage, you know?" Or maybe he just didn't want to talk to Jace about it. The thought stung in his chest. They were brothers, _parabatai_, Alec needed to be able to talk to Jace, just like Jace had to be able to talk to Alec – though that had never been either of their strong sides to be honest. Maybe Jace was to blame for that on the most part. He just did not want Alec to get better and better only to fall back into a bottomless pit of pain when he eventually stopped getting better. It felt like he ought to get better slower and really process what happened. _Or maybe you just don't want him to get better without your help_, his head echoed. Only when Clary reached up and kissed him on the chin before leaving for the bathroom did Jace pick up his phone and started composing a text; _I am glad you are feeling better, good enough to leave the Institute. So don't get me wrong. I am glad you are out and about but just don't be too quick with getting over this. Let things take their time. I'm here when you are ready to talk._

As Clary came back Jace put his phone down and smiled at her. "Feel like going downtown?"

"Actually," she said, straddling his lap in the couch, "I thought we could just stay here."

Jace raised an eyebrow and gave her a curved smile. "Is that so?" Clary only leaned in, letting her fingers intertwine with Jace's golden curls, and nodded before placing her lips agains Jace's.


	5. Chapter 5

**°Ah my my you are so concerned about what Magnus is up to :) Well, who am I to keep you waiting? Oh and I love your theories and feedback; thaaaaaank you3 This one is a little longer and I AM SO SORRY for having them getting shorter and shorter lately, it is just that I do not want to rush into things and at the moment I am having a bit of trouble getting this together cause I need to fill more empty spots for characters BUT OH WELL - here is another chapter and I hope you like it :) I did really enjoy writing this, cause I love me some angry Alec :)**

**STILL not able to say Herondales or Lightwoods are my property :( Cassandra Clare can though :) °**

**[JACE'S POV]**

Jace had gotten a text from Magnus two days after they were at the club. He had asked if Jace had heard from Alec cause Magnus 'sure hadn't!' Jace came up with a lie on the spot and explained that Alec was in Alicante with their parents for a meet-up with some friends of the family. He also made sure to add that he would be back home on Monday and Jace would have Alec let Magnus know. As that week passed Magnus called Jace again on the Tuesday; wondering where Alec was. Jace was glad Magnus trusted him and Alec enough not to send a thousand texts a day cause Jace could see himself having trouble explaining and getting out of that.

"Oh my bad, I meant that he would be back on Monday a week from yesterday. So your lovebird will be back in six days - and three hours if I counted right," Jace had said and added a laugh, just as he saw Alec passing him in the hall, his hands full of books on dragons.

Jace hadn't lied completely though. The Lightwoods _were_ in Alicante for a family meeting, but the children remained in New York; someone had to keep an eye out for the Institute. When Izzy called they told her that Alec was at Magnus' and she didn't spend too much time at home since she was too busy crashing at Simon and Jordan's. The only one who was there almost as often as the brothers was Clary. And Jace didn't mind that. And she was also the one, apart from Jace that Alec would agree on meeting.

Alec was getting better though, or so it seemed. He was working out more than half the day and spent the remaining time either in his room or outside, doing something that Jace didn't care to ask. He was just happy that Alec found something to do apart from sitting his room, letting his thoughts eat him alive. Jace who normally joined Alec for training whenever he could had stopped doing so. Not because he wanted to but because whenever he entered the training room, Alec found a reason to leave. It could be that he needed to read something, had to meet up with someone or simply had done his for the day; leaving Jace alone. The blonde didn't mind training alone, he had had his fair share of that – it just felt like him and Alec were drifting apart; and he couldn't see anyway of stopping it.

Alec had also developed a habit of staying out over night and not coming back until the small hours. Normally Jace wouldn't care but after all that had happened he didn't feel completely unbothered. He was worried whenever Alec was outside the Institute and whenever he didn't come home; Jace had yet another sleepless night. When he tried to talk to Alec about it, all he got was an excuse, an apology and repeatedly being left alone over night.

Midweek, Jace was so wound up he couldn't lie still and decided to do something he hardly ever did, seeing as he kept his mess to a minimum; he started cleaning the entire place up. By 3am, the northern part of the Institute was done; he left Isabelle and his parents' room alone on purpose but knew that Alec's room could do some tidying up. Once again he opened a door and wished he hadn't.

Alec's room was not only a bloody mess but also a _bloody_ mess. Sheets that he had changed at least two times were scuffed together into a corner, small blood stains on them. Alongside them were clothes with crusted blood stamps and a large towel, stained red. Jace walked up to it, with the intention to pick it up but remained standing there, just staring. What was Alec doing? Jace kept walking the room and as he entered the bathroom he was met by the same mess, only this time there were two or three opened and empty packages or bandages. In complete paralyzation he left the room and closed the door behind him. But he remained standing, leaning against the wooden piece that separated him from Alec's room. Long raged breaths was all it took for him to push the tears back into their sockets before turning around and opening the door again. He cleaned the room, just like he had intended. It took longer than expected but as he left he carried two piles of dirty laundry with him back down. He had made sure every surface was as spotless as it was in his own room. At 6am he was finally done with the laundry and figured it was no point in trying to sleep now, it was a new day.

Jace headed for the training room. Getting to the door of the room, he heard loud music blasting through the speakers that they usually had for creating realistic sound scenarios to go with the pretend fighting. Apparently Alec was back and Jace hadn't even noticed. He opened the door slowly and then quickly to avoid the creaking of it. Alec was in full motion. He had spared no energy to get most of the equipment out, currently working on the balance part. He was farther up than he and Jace usually practiced and with his arms out like wings, Jace saw the crusted scratches and cuts on Alec's upper and inner arms. He moved to say something but at that moment Alec came too close to falling and Jace froze in motion; watching Alec regain balance, muttering something inaudible as he did so, sweat dripping from his forehead. Usually Alec was the one with the better balance out of the two of them when practicing; mostly because Jace, in all honesty, didn't take that part of practicing as seriously as the rest. He moved into the room with his special quiet and leaned against the wall, just watching as Alec made his way down.

Alec had only just gotten to the floor as he saw Jace, his eyes red and cheeks flushed. He quickly gained posture though and stood straight. "Ah, I was just leaving," he said and walked back towards his hoodie that lay by the food of the beam he had been on just a moment earlier. He quickly pulled it on.

"Please stay, I'd like some help with the twist-and-turn technique," Jace started but Alec just shrugged.

"Sorry, I should get going. Besides, it is not as if you need more practice with that. If anything I am the one that does."

"Then let's do that," Jace suggested and took a step forwards.

"Can't, I'm heading out," Alec said as he zipped the hoodie up.

"But you only just got back," Jace stated and moved to step in front of the door as Alec made a move to leave.

"Well, sorry about that," Alec said. "Would you mind?"

"Sure," Jace stepped aside and let Alec leave, once again, Jace being left behind.

All need of getting a proper work-out was like washed out of Jace's mind and he started working his way back upstairs. He hadn't more than reached the first landing when he heard Alec calling for him. This time though he had no hurry of finding out what it was about, he already hand an inkling.

"JACE!"

"Yes?" Jace responded calmly as they met in the middle of the stairs.

"You've been in my room?"

"I might have passed by, yes," Jace shrugged and made an attempt to get past Alec to get to his room. But Alec only put a palm against Jace chest to have him stop. "Whoa, do you mind?" Jace copied, but Alec ignored it.

"Who said you could?" he demanded.

"I was cleaning the place and made a short trip through your room, what does it matter?"

But Jace knew this was a dead end, he couldn't win this argument. Whatever he had to come with, Alec would still be able to back it up – he always had had that skill.

"Well first of it is my room!" Alec started, his height suddenly dawning on Jace. It wasn't usually something that Jace thought about but right now it was so obvious that Alec was much taller than him. But Jace cut him off anyway.

"Fine, fine. I just – I don't know, I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright and I really thought so and – and then I found those bloody clothes and I just – I saw the scratches on your arms and – I don't know. You aren't alright Alec. You aren't, and I just want to help you get better." Jace heard his own voice, how needy he sounded, how exasperated his voice rang in his own ears but at the moment he didn't care.

"Are you not being a bit too selfish right now?" Alec was boiling. It was not often that Jace saw this side of his brother apart from when they were mid-fight with demons or Downworlders. Yet he was a bit surprised by that comment.

"What?"

"Just because I am not getting better because of you I shouldn't be getting better at all, is that what you are saying?" Alec's eyes were wide with anger and the normally blue oceans in his eyes were now stormy seas that could drown a thousand men.

"That is – that is not –," Jace tried.

"Then what the fuck is it?!" Alec demanded giving Jace a hard push in the chest, putting Jace's training in balance to the test.

They had had fights when they were younger but not proper fights where one of them ended up seriously hurting the other. Jace thought for a brief second about who would win, would it come to a proper fight. He didn't doubt Alec's strength but he also did not wish to hurt Alec. The last time they fought, they had been eleven and twelve. Jace had only just gotten to their Institute and him and Alec got into a quarrel on who was the fastest. To begin with Jace knew that Alec was only messing with him but growing up, knowing you had to be the best, strongest, hardest, it was a bad thing to mess about. He took it far too seriously and pushed Alec until he fought back, claws and beaks. The Lightwoods had been torn between splitting the boys up or letting them go on. It was building character but also they didn't wish for their sons to hurt each other. Alec had won back then, Alec always won somehow. If not by hand then by tongue cause he was one hell of an arguer. Though Jace had a big mouth and a confidence to match it, Alec had the facts on his side.

"You know what fuck off!" Jace said as he regained his footing, done with the fact that whatever he seemed to do it only upset Alec more and done with the fact that it was suddenly a crime to care.

"Fine." Alec hissed simply and hurried down the stairs, still wearing his sweaty hoodie and sweatpants. It took Jace a few seconds to realize what he had done, but by then he knew Alec was already out of the Institute and it would be in vain to go after him. He could be anywhere.


	6. Chapter 6

**°I know a few of you have been waiting for this, and here it is. Some of you were right, you clever clever ones :) I'm sorry for the lack of dialogue in this, it was a hard one to write seeing as Alec doesn't do a lot of talking :) I hope you like it!**

**Do you know if you can physically steal fictional characters? No? Well until then they're Cassandra Clare's :)°**

**[ALEC'S POV]**

Alec was worse. Way way worse than he had dared to think. He had tried everything. But nothing worked. Though nothing ever really worked, did it? He had tried keeping himself busy to keep the memories from coming back. He had tried taking sleeping runes to keep nightmares out of his head. He even tried to drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol to keep his head buzzing enough to make the thoughts swirl but somehow, all the could think of most of he time was being pushed down onto a concrete floor. When showering he sometimes turned the heat of the water up just cause he couldn't seem to get warm enough, this resulting in blisters that he endlessly picked on until they became scabs. When he was alone in a room, not doing anything to busy himself, he could almost feel a pair of rough hands grab onto his hair and he had to shake it hard to make the feeling go away. His nails were bitten down to the roots and the inside of his mouth bitten to raw flesh at parts, all to have something to do when nothing else settled his thoughts.

Jace. He did not make it better. He made it worse. Alec couldn't deny he cared. He knew Jace did care. But this was just something that Alec would not talk to him about. Not cause he did not trust him but because he did not trust himself not to break down when doing it. Had he just been sure of that he would be able to keep it together when talking to Jace he would have bawled his misery out a long while ago, but he didn't. He felt guilty. Because of him; Jace was worse. He could tell how his brother was struggling to help him, worked so hard on making him feel better, telling him that he was there for Alec. And Alec just brushed it aside. Cause he could not talk about it. Not yet and he doubted ever.

He couldn't, wouldn't even talk to Magnus. He had gotten endless amounts of texts from him but he heard Jace telling the warlock that the phone had been acting up lately and hardly any calls or texts got through. But they did get through, and Alec read them all. Every single letter he had read at least a dozen times and he felt just as bad after the twelfth time as he did the first time reading it. He couldn't see him, not just yet. It was too soon and though he was positive Magnus would be supportive, he was not ready.

He also found that he had gotten a text from Jace when he had first left the Institute; Jace telling him that he was glad that Alec was 'out and about'. So would Alec have been , had it been under other circumstances and for other reasons.

Alec had left to meet up with someone. Who, he did not know until they met, but they got along well enough. They had met at a bar just a few blocks down from the Institute and for a first, it was Alec picking someone up. He took the bait instantly and Alec let him have his way. Whatever he was into, Alec was into as well that night. And every other night he disappeared and had different men behind him, using him. Some of them saw his scarred body and wounds, most of them ignored it but some asked; doesn't it hurt?

Oh, it hurt. It hurt sitting down to have breakfast and taking a shower because the warm water broke into his pores. It hurt lying down cause he had a broken rib and bending over was a nightmare. It hurt standing up and it hurt to breath. It hurt like hell. But Alec had already been to hell and at least this hell, he could control. At least this pain was under controlled forms, because he could end it whenever he wanted. This hell was his and his alone and no one could take it away from him and try to exchange it for something that he couldn't control.

Alec had not really meant what he said to Jace in the stairs on that last night when he left. That was why he came back just a few hours later, ready to apologize to Jace. He had his entire speech worked up in his head but as he crossed the threshold into the kitchen – smoothly skipping that creaking floorboard, finding Jace standing leaned over the kitchen counter, his head and blond curls in his head, he turned on the spot. Who was he to tell Jace he was sorry; sorry did not even begin to cover it. As he stood there, looking down at his arms, covered in scabs and bruises he decided that he needed to stop this; he only made Jace worry more.

"Yeah I know Izzy," Jace said and Alec realized that he was on the phone with their sister. "I know, but he is at Magnus and I can't get a hold of him either. I mean let them be – apparently they are particularly fond of each other this month. Maybe it's an anniversary-thing or something," Jace continued and Alec could hear how tired he sounded.

The guilt sank into Alec's gut like a large black stone. He avoided the creaking floorboard again and left. At first he had no idea of where to go. Where do you go when you don't really have a place to be? Instead he walked around, trying to keep his head clear of thoughts that had him on bad paths. But it didn't take more than seeing a brunette on the street, his jacket in the same nuance as the one at the club, for Alec's head to spin. His throat closed up on him and he had to lean against a large grey stone wall to regain proper breathing. This was way too frequently happening. It only took the smallest things. The other day he heard a bottle clinking as someone dropped it on the ground and he had to force back tears of terror. He did not expect to see them walking about and he was not even sure they would recognize him if he did bump into them; _but_ just the idea of maybe seeing them in real life had his stomach churn. That somehow made it more real, they were real, they existed, they walked around like normal people with normal lives. All the while Alec had his life teared up at the roots only to be tossed on the ground and stepped on, left for dead.

Alec's feet took him to the bar he always ended up at.

"Drinking?" the bartender asked shortly as he poured up drinks to other customers.

"Whatever, as long as it isn't with milk," Alec said and turned around on the bar stool. Wearing nothing but a black tank top and denim jeans he didn't feel nearly as exposed as he used to do with twice the amount of clothing. And he got twice the attention. He hadn't more than ordered his drink before a man walked dup to him.

"The things I would do to get inside you right now," was one of the first things he said after introducing himself as Mark. Most guys were called Mark. Or Pete. Or John. And just like Alec didn't care for their names anymore he hardly cared for their appearance, in fact he avoided looking at them too much. They only had one thing he wanted.

"Why don't you show me?" Alec teased but the quirk he'd have with Magnus – oh Magnus – was not there. Neither was him really. He downed his drink in one go and followed the man to the bathrooms. Without thinking, automatically, just like every time, he walked into one of the booths, keeping it open for Mark, or Pete, or John, to enter. Then he pulled his trousers down and leaned against the wall. Waiting. Usually it didn't take long before they got the drift and got on with it. Others were slower. Alec preferred the quick ones. That meant less time to think before and more time to act after.

As soon as Mark was done, Alec pulled his trousers back up and left without another sound. Usually he kept quiet all the while but form time to time he couldn't help but whimper in pain from an especially hard thrust or squirm at the way they held him. Mark had been good – quick – not too touchy and no hard feelings as Alec left. Alec hated having to explain to them that he was only interested in them until they'd emptied their load inside him. Or outside of him. Or on his clothes. He didn't really care.

There was no plausible explanation for why he was doing this. Something inside him told him that it was compensation for what had been done to him, that he took out his own frustration on others but that at the same time did not make sense cause Alec did not hurt them, he was simply doing them a favor. Somehow it felt better having other men fuck him, rather them than Magnus. He was defiled and soiled now. Magnus was too good for him. And this brought him the amount of pain he needed not to feel the pain inside. So this was a good deal. They got to come and Alec got to get rid of a bit of pain along the way. The only downside was that he felt even worse afterwards.

That's why he went straight back out and bumped into another John, or Mark, or Pete. Sometimes life even granted you a Steve. This was such a time. Back into the bathroom, Steve didn't feel the booth though, so he pushed Alec to the sinks, bending him over the counter. Steve was also a lot rougher than most and pushed into Alec hard enough to have him scream out.

"I have seen the way you work, honey," Steve said and pounded into Alec mercilessly as he grabbed hold of his hair, tugging it back. That was one thing Alec could not do. No hair-tugging, it brought back to much. He tried to rid himself of Steve's hands but the man wouldn't have it and caught Alec's hands in his own, pushing them down Alec's lower back. "I've seen you strut around, picking us, like it was your job." Talking was another thing that Alec could not do. He needed them to keep quiet and just get on with it.

"I'd like to stop," Alec said, stupidly thinking that it would work. Steve had another idea. "Please, stop, just – stop," Alec tried desperately. But Steve kept going and went until he came, pushing into Alec so hard that the tears came, no matter how hard he tried to keep them back.

"Pleasure meeting you," Steve said before pulling his pants back up.

Alec reached back and realized the blood almost instantly. He should have been chocked, terrified, insane with pain but he just got some paper towels and cleaned himself up. He looked himself in the mirror as he buttoned his pants that had lost a button thanks to Steve's rough treatment. His eyes were sunken in, his hair matter and more tousled. His clothes looked the same though. That was one thing that didn't change. His lips had almost healed, it was just slightly red and irritated where it had been split and his black eyes were gone completely. The only thing that showed any sign of violence was the bruising on his arms. Only, he caused that himself.

Splashing water on his face, he took a deep breath. He ran his hands through his hair before leaving the bathroom – only to come back a few minutes later with another Pete, or John, or Mark.


	7. Chapter 7

**°Okay, so first off - biggest "SORRY" ever for leaving this after frequent updates. There was just ****_alot_**** with work, I ****_had_**** to read City of Heavenly Fire and cry over it and then there was Midsummer (a rather pointless holiday here that I invested a lot of spare time in) so I have been putting writing aside for a while. But enough of my sad excuses; here is yet another chapter. And deary me your reviews, they do warm my heart as does the fact that so many of you favourite and follow - THANK YOU3 - I really do love reading your reactions and theories of what will happen; give me more of that! :) OH and happy midsummer to the ones of you that know what it is (I do see some Swedes are reading) as for the rest of you - HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND3**

**I still do not own ****_my_**** babies. After reading CoHF I am sure I would take better care of them than their current owner, Cassandra Clare.°**

**[JACE'S POV]**

Jace startled awake as a loud thud sounded through the hallway. He had always been a light sleeper but lately he had awoken at the strangest and sometimes even the most insignificant noises. It could be a bird chirping outside or simply Church moving about a floor below. But there was something about this noise that had him wanting to get up and check the source of it. He soundlessly left Clary beside him in the bed with a kiss on her forehead and moved through the Institute until he reached Alec's room where the door was ajar. Looked like he hadn't come home at all last night. But then, just as he turned around and was to move back to the warm bed something caught his eye; there was a bloody trace on the side of the door post. It could have been from several weeks before but knowing that he himself had scrubbed that room clean just days previously he doubted it. Hesitating before entering; remembering how Alec had reacted the last time Jace had gone into his room, he pushed the door open just a few inches; yet once again glad he did but wishing he hadn't.

There was nothing significantly wrong with Alec's room apart from small dots of blood on the floor. Jace had an idea of where they led and found Alec on the floor in the bathroom.

"What the hell –" Jace hurried forward and suddenly the image of finding Alec in that backroom came back to him. His eye was blue and his black hair plastered to his face from sweat and various other substances. Jace pushed it aside, forcing one eye open, seeing if his pupils even contracted. Slowly Alec's pupils became smaller and Jace exhaled quickly before trying to get Alec to respond. Shaking him, giving his face hard pats or squeezing his lowers arms. Jace tried it all but Alec didn't respond. Lastly Jace placed a hard slap across his _parabatai'_s cheek but nothing even then.

That was when Jace saw Alec's arms and neck. His neck was patterned with bruises from grips that would have strangled him. His arms full of the same bruises along with cuts and healing wounds. Stains covered his sleeveless top and the waistband of his jeans. He tried to get his brother up but though Jace was strong Alec was heavy when he was unconscious.

"CLARY!" Jace shouted, hoping that she would hear him through the walls. He had no intentions of leaving Alec right now. None, what so ever. Please let her bring her stele, he thought.

"Damn. Alec," Jace tried, shaking the raven haired harder.

Suddenly the door creaked beside Alec and Clary's red hair stood up like flames around her. Her face was still and in her hand she had a steele. "Give me," Jace said harshly – less soft than he had intended. But Clary stood still, staring at Alec.

"Has he?" Clary asked and her eyes widened. Jace wondered what she meant – surely she had seen them all with bruises and cuts before. He turned from her to look at his brother again and saw the blood his eyes had overlooked earlier. The back of his shirt and pants were stained in blood, as were the sleeves of his hoodie that lie next to his body on the floor. "He needs an _iratze_," Clary stated and had it been someone else Jace would have made a snarl comment about such an obvious fact. But he knew that Clary only meant well. The red head leaned in to give Jace the steele when Alec reached forward and grabbed the hem Jace's top.

"No," he mumbled.

"Alec, we need to –"

But Alec fended his hands off with surprising strength for someone that had been passed out just a few seconds earlier. Jace tried still to push the hands down, just long enough to be able to place the rune on his brother.

"Come on, you know you just need one," Jace insisted.

"I need – I need to – get out of here. Have to get – get out." Alec was not looking anywhere, his mumbling was just out into the air of the room, not directed at someone in particular. "I have – have to go."

"You are not going anywhere," Jace reasoned as he tried to hold Alec down. "Not without runes and a nights proper sleep."

"No, no runes. No. No runes," Alec insisted, his tongue not moving properly in his mouth.

"Stay the fuck down," Jace shouted suddenly, most to his surprise and pressed Alec's arm down against the cold tiles. He snatched the stele from Clary and pressed it, gently – or as gently as he could – trying to put the _iratze_ on his ever stirring _parabatai_. Alec kept whining under Jace's hands but at the moment the blonde did not care. He was too focused on getting the runes right.

With insane focus not to hurt his brother further, Jace placed the runes on his body. He watched the pain subdue but he could still see Alec wincing whenever he moved too quickly. "Could you help me?" Jace asked tiredly, turned to Clary who was beside him in an instant. She helped Jace with getting Alec up and left the bathroom as Jace cleaned Alec of the clothes and blood, just like he had last time – only this time he knew Alec was in less physical pain due to the runes that Alec had refused the last time. He didn't know why Alec had done that, why wouldn't he want the runes? And why hadn't Jace forced them on his last time?

Alec kept mumbling and moaning about how he had to go, and how he had to be somewhere, meet someone but Jace ignored him all along. Without having to ask, Clary opened the door slightly, just to be able to get a clean set of clothes in. Jace silently thanked the Angel for putting her in his life. He dressed Alec, who regained more and more consciousness. He was even able to walk out to the bed on his own, with just a little help from Jace who had his arm around Alec's waist.

Together they got a drowsy Alec down under the sheets where Clary tucked the sides of the covering in. Jace had never seen this side of her and he had never guessed he'd get to see it concerning Alec. Still, he did really appreciate it.

"Could you – you know stay with him? I need to go make a call?"

"Magnus?"

Jace nodded and stood up. He had his phone in his pocket; he had no idea of why he hadn't thought of calling Clary instead of screaming his throat out. Then again, making a phone call was not the first thing on his mind. "Yeah you do that," Clary said and stood up from the bedside to place a light kiss in the corner of Jace's mouth. His entire inside tangled at the feeling of it. He tore away reluctantly and gave her a slight smile before exiting the room to head down the hall.

As soon as he was out of hearing shot he got the phone up to dial but he hadn't more than flipped it open before he got an incoming call. From Magnus. He picked up after a few seconds.

"Magnus?"

"Bingo! So I just talked to Isabelle," Magnus started and this statement alone had Jace tense. "And she mentioned to me that apparently Alec has been at my place for quite some time now. So my question is; is he wearing a Cloak of Invisibility? Cause I can't seem to see him." He seemed abnormally calm to Jace. Yet he somehow knew that the warlock was boiling on the inside.

The blonde could feel his pulse rising. He had no idea how to get out of this. But Magnus continued.

"And seeing as you told me Alec was in Alicante with his parents, I wonder; am I in Alicante as well or are they here too? Because I doubt I could have three Lightwoods under my roof without noticing. They do tend to get quite loud."

Jace slid down against the wall, putting his head in his hands. Before a lot of thinking he realised that today was Tuesday; Alec was 'supposed' to come back yesterday. No wonder Magnus had called Isabelle since he clearly got nothing out of Jace.

"I – Why are you panting? Clearly you haven't been training properly," Magnus said dryly.

"My condition is as good as ever," Jace started. "You – you know what? This was sort of a bad time. Clary is here and we – we were in the middle of something. I'll have Alec call you." And at that he hung up, quickly before Magnus had another chance to say something. Clearly his lying only got worse and worse.

With the phone still in his hands he walked back to Alec's room where he found his _parabatai_ on the bed, his head tucked under his left arm, almost like a cat would sleep. Clary sat on the side of the bed by Alec's feet, her nose buried in the Shadowhunter Codex. She looked up when Jace entered but said nothing. Jace gave her a slight smile before walking up to Alec's bed and cleared his throat a little louder than normal, hoping to wake Alec. But Alec wouldn't move. Jace leaned in closer and cleared his throat again but still no movement. He repeated, this time kicking the leg of the bed; and this time Alec came out form under his arm, looking up at his blonde brother. "I –," he started but Jace cut him off.

"Oh you're awake? Good. Because I just got a call from your boyfriend. He is asking for you," Jace held out the phone to Alec who shrunk away from it as if though it was going to detonate in his face.

"Tell him – I – I'm not here. Tell him –"

"Oh you may tell him yourself," Jace said and put the phone back into his pocket, showing Alec that he hadn't had Magnus on the line. Jace _hated _being so harsh on Alec, he hated it. But he felt like he had no real choice. Alec had been lying, he had made Jace lie. He didn't seem to quite grasp the fact that there were people that wanted to help him. Somehow this felt like the most reasonable way to help Alec get better. Jace had tried walking around the problem and talk calmly, kindly, not at all. He felt like he had tried everything but actually telling Alec to get a grip. So he decided to try that.

"But you are going to tell him, preferably today or I will tell him. And that to me doesn't sound fair on neither you nor him. Besides, I would feel very awkward."

"But I –" Alec started but Jace cut him off again.

"No, Alec. No buts. You are telling him, or I am telling him, and as I said – I'd rather you did it."

Jace could see Clary shift in her chair and looked up at her. He figured she wasn't used to Jace talking to Alec this way. Hell, he wasn't sure to talking to Alec this way. But right now, someone had to do it.

"Could I," Alec started and waited a bit, probably to see if Jace cut him off yet again, but the blonde remained quiet. "Could I do it without you guys here?" Having no idea of why Alec was asking for permission Jace nodded and followed Clary out of the room, after having left his phone on the nightstand. Before shutting the door behind him, Jace saw Alec picking the phone up, dialing the number.

"I hope he doesn't hang up as soon as Magnus answers, again." Clary said as Jace let the door click shut. She slowly slid her hand in his. He never felt fully as calm as when she was beside him.

"I hope so too, I've gotten far too many texts from Magnus wondering why I am calling him and then hanging up. The lamest excuse yet was that Church managed to dial. I don't think he bought it. And for Magnus' sake I hope he doesn't take it out too hard on Alec for not calling." Jace let out a loud sigh. Magnus didn't seem like the kind of person too react too hard on these things, but clearly, one never knew.


	8. Chapter 8

**°Okay so some of you have been asking for this since like chapter 3 and you have to have faith in me you guys; I am one step ahead of you. It is lovely though reading about you wanting to get something from Magnus' POV and knowing that ****_youwillyouwillyouwill_**** but not being able to say so muhaha :) once again I love you and your reviews, IdoIdoIdo3 Oh and this is painfully short again but I can't drag this out seeing as the next chapter will have little special something in it (I am not saying it is a good special something, you'll have to see) and at least I am getting you somewhere, right? :) I saw a special someone saying they wanted reactions from the rest of the Lightwoods; so does anyone else want anyone else into this? 'Cause this is your final chance^^**

**They are not my property; Cassandra Clare can say otherwise though°**

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

Magnus insides were boiling and he was so done with Jace's excuses of why Alec couldn't get to the phone. He was done with it. He had bought Alexander being in Idris; surely his boyfriend could have business there, but he doubted that the entire Lightwood family could fit into his loft without him noticing. At first he hadn't thought much of not hearing from Alec but he had after a week or so started wondering why he hadn't heard a single word. Surely he could understand that Jace lied for Alec, but he had not idea of why that would even be necessary and he couldn't phantom a valid reason for Alec not to tell him what was going on in the first place. He had left Alec with Jace at the club and since then it was as if though Alec ceased to exist, just vanished into thin air. The thought stung Magnus like no other.

Magnus had texted, called, left voice messages, but had gotten no replies. But he had chosen not to go to the Institute himself, or travel to Idris to find Alec. He managed to brace himself. If Alexander wanted him there he would have made sure Magnus knew. And seeing as he didn't – Magnus was sure Alec did had a good reason. It was so unlike him and his usual calm exterior when it came to relations. But with Alec it was different. With Alec, it was all different. Magnus hated being the one that clung onto people, he hated being the one that had to depend on someone else, but with Alec he had no choice. That Shadowhunter had gotten so far under his skin Magnus doubted he could get rid of him even if he had wanted to.

He hadn't more than put his phone down after getting yet another excuse from Jace and made it to the bathroom to take a _long_ shower, anything to clear his head, before he heard the buzz of the phone again. Could be Alec, he thought and hurried back into the side table where he had left it. Today his loft resembled a large cushion palace, give or take a few bookshelves. Reaching the phone he cursed loudly. Jace's name lit up the screen.

"Listen sweetheart," Magnus started as he picked up, not caring about answering properly, whilst working his black t-shirt back on over his head. "I am not sure of what is going on but I'm not going to –"

"Magnus?"

Magnus cut off and dropped the hem of his shirt, letting it fall back in place on its own as he felt his heart contract. Alec sounded tired, faded. Just slightly different and off. He wanted to scream at Alexander. He wanted to tell his boyfriend off for scaring him and making him put out worst case scenarios. He wanted to yell at him for making Magnus worry more than he could remember ever having done before. They hadn't seen each other since the night out, more than two weeks ago. Surely they had been apart for longer periods of time but it was hardly anything they had chosen themselves. And this situation, it was Alec that had chosen. And Magnus respected that, he just figured that he should have some saying in the matter.

"Are – you there?" Alec tried and Magnus snapped out of his silence. He wanted to scream, but he didn't. He couldn't bare himself.

"Alexander, I – I tried calling you," Magnus said and realized that he sounded clumsier than he ever had. He found himself fumbling with words and actions whenever Alec was around. He could feel his eyes water, but just out of pure relief of hearing Alec's voice. He sat down on a large cushioned arm chair, his knees holding up his arms. "I – are you alright?"

Alec did not say anything for a few seconds. And in those seconds Magnus worked out scenarios of why he had not heard from Alec. Each one was worse than the previous and he was ever so thankful when Alec finally spoke.

"I – Yeah, I am fine. Just tired." Magnus could hear that. "I – I just had some stuff I needed to sort out, you know. Personal things. Nothing to worry about." But Magnus worried nonetheless, with Alec he always did.

"You don't want to talk about it," Magnus said, more as a statement than a question. He wasn't surprised when Alec replied that no, he did not.

"Is that alright?" Alec asked and Magnus wanted to say 'no'. If something was hurting Alec he wanted to know. If something was bothering Alec, he wanted to help him. If anything could be done to make Alec feel better Magnus would do it in a heartbeat. But then again, he himself had had Alec wanting to know. He had kept Alec from knowing things that had happened in Magnus life. He had kept secrets and stories, happenings and relations from Alec. And Alec had accepted it, more or less. And Magnus had expected Alec to accept it. It was not more than right to let Alexander have that one thing to himself. It was not more than right for Magnus to let Alec keep a small part from the warlock when the warlock himself only let Alec in on so much.

"Of course, love." Magnus chuckled slightly, as if though it was a silly question. And it was, right? He could hear Alec exhaling on the other side of the line. How was it that this one person could turn your life upside down? Not just your mood and feelings but your habits and schedules as well. Your manners and policies. Your ways of doing things and reason for not doing things. You knew which side of the bed you preferred and what you wanted with your coffee in the morning. How you wanted to organize your linen in the cupboards and how you were to avoid unnecessary conflicts. And them _bam_. Someone came into your life and you were willing to change that, you were willing you skip breakfast to stay in bed, no preferred side as long as that someone was next to you. You didn't care if you won every argument or if you managed to do all the things you felt like you needed to do in one day, as long as you got to end that day and start the next one with that special someone. That someone was Alexander to Magnus. The only one that had been that special someone was Alexander. And that made Magnus indescribably happy.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Magnus asked. And he meant it. There were extremely few things, already discussed, that Magnus would not do for his boyfriend.

"I miss you," was the slightly unexpected answer and Magnus could feel his stomach tingle.

"I miss you too –"

"All of you," Alec continued and Magnus heard from the change in his boyfriend's voice where this was going. Right now, that voice there. Husky and raw but at the same time smooth enough to seduce anyone. That was the voice Alec saved for special occasions only involving the pair of them. The thing was that Alexander knew exactly what that tone did to Magnus, seeing as it came out so seldom. For a moment all the worries and wonders about Alec's previous weeks were gone from Magnus head and it started filling with other thoughts; more pleasant and wanton.

"Is that so?"

In his mind he saw Alexander nodding and biting his lower lips slightly before answering.

"Do you remember that one time –" Alec started and Magnus wondered which time specifically. "Where we were interrupted by one of your clients?" Magnus closed his eyes slowly with a slow moan. He did remember that time in particular. He could not remember a single time when he and Alec had been involved in a more heated session. Their clothes had been sprawled all over the loft and Magnus waited for Alec to mount the bed. Alec had looked at Magnus with fiery eyes and a devious smile on his lips, something that _definitely _did not come out often enough. Magnus had waited the entire day for their encounter and Alec had encouraged it with texts throughout. Then his Nephilim had climbed the bed and gotten on top of Magnus, just about to –

Suddenly Magnus heard how a door opened and turned around to realize that his was closed; it must have been on Alec's side of the line. And surely a second later Jace's voice sounded through the speaker. "If you are going to have sex, I'd rather you did it in the same room, and _not_ involving my phone in it."

"I –" Alec started but ended his sentence altogether. "Can I come over?"


	9. Chapter 9

**°You guys are really starting to make me feel bad about doing this to Magnus and Alec. But then again, I call the shots here hehehe :) As I've said; I LOVE your reviews and I think that some of you might be onto the same trail as me as to what is going to happen. But I am still one step ahead of you guys so have faith, alright? :) Some of you want le Parents of the Lightwoods into this, along with Izzy and Simon and I'll see what I can do, cause I can work them into this just to add a tiiiiiny tiiiiiiiiy bit more of drama :) Anyway, sorry about this chapter that is long but is kinda awkward and slightly I don't know, just awkward. ANWAY; here is is, enjooooooooy! :)**

**[ALEC'S POV]**

"I take it you told him?" Jace eyed Alec as he handed the blonde's phone over and started getting dressed. His body hurt but he made sure not to let it show. He smiled at his brother and nodded. "And I take it he took it well enough to have you over for some sexy-time?" Jace had his usual smirk on.

Involuntarily Alec blushed and turned around to get his hoodie on. As he turned around Jace had left and he exhaled slowly, putting his own phone into his pocket before heading out.

Alec hadn't wanted to tell Magnus. Or well, he wanted to tell him just not this way. He would have wanted to get over it properly himself; though he doubted he ever will. Alec had never felt more conflicted about something his entire life; at least not over something concerning himself to this point. He knew Magnus cared. He knew it. And he knew Jace cared, he had showed that much. He remembered glimpses of Jace patching him up, not caring about Alec's protests. He remembered Jace holding onto him when he felt like he would lose himself in pain and humiliation. And Jace hadn't uttered a single complaint; only about Alec's behaviour. And Alec appreciated it to the highest point. But he didn't think he deserved it. He didn't. He had put himself in this position. It was his fault. He sighed and headed after Jace. But Alec hadn't more than left the room before his heart almost stopped again.

"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do," Jace said causing Alec do jump. He still had the smirk on and was leaning against one of the walls, his arms crossed over his chest. Alec wished he could appear with such confidence at times as well.

"You scared me, you ass!" was all he got out and Jace chuckled. Alec hesitantly got his phone into his pocket and started walking down the stairs.

"You're going to Magnus' right?"

Alec turned around and looked at Jace, who straightened up, his hard exterior shattering and the brotherly version came out. His arms fell from his chest and the smirk disappeared. "Alec? You _are_ going to Magnus' loft, yes or no?"

Alec had no idea of why Jace was giving him such a hard time. He had no trouble letting Alec leave the night previously and just look where that got him? Though he had had a good time, or what counted for a good time nowadays; meaning he didn't remember much but the ache in his body told him that it was worth it.

"I'll see you tomorrow, don't wait up," Alec said and turned around to leave. He half-expected Jace to come after him or at least call out but nothing. He met Clary on his way down and gave her a half-hearted smile. She was about to say something, Alec saw that much, but he guessed she saw Jace at the top of the stairs and she remained silent. Alec was glad she did.

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

Magnus never got his shower. He remained on the couch until he heard the common sound of keys rattling and the door being pushed open, letting out a light squeak. Magnus had been seriously bothered by that noise at first but as time passed he grew to like it, it was like a small door bell that let him know that someone was in fact inside now; usually it was Alec.

Magnus got up and turned around – what he was supposed to do after that was forgotten as he saw Alec. He had sounded tired, sure, but Magnus would never have guessed that he would look like a complete wreck. The last time he remembered Alec looking like this, and probably the only time, was when Max had just died. But he made his face unreadable and walked up to his boyfriend. Alec gave him a trace of a smile and pushed his shoes off. Magnus only gave him a chance to take a few steps in before he placed his arms around him; his long fingers instantly grabbing the hem of Alec's hoodie, tracing it. He could feel Alec tense a bit in his grip but thought nothing of it. Instead he tilted his head down slightly and leaned in to place a kiss on the Shadowhunter's lips. Alec let him, but pulled away quickly after.

Magnus looked up and saw that the pupils were dilated to a max though it was fairly dark in the room and he could see traces of tears in Alexander's eyes. There was also a hint of a black eye around the blue of Alec's irises and his lip trembled slightly. The warlock reached in to touch the eye slightly but Alec flinched away. Magnus withdrew and eyed the younger. He looked honestly sorry for the reaction and Magnus gave him a light smile.

"Alexander," Magnus started, "is something wrong?"

Alec looked up and smiled slightly, shaking his head, causing the black strands to bounce daringly over his forehead. Magnus itched to reach forward and tuck them away. Alec's blue eyes looked straight into Magnus' green eyes, unfaltering, so honest. Magnus relaxed a bit. Maybe this personal stuff really had taken their toll on Alexander. But seeing as he didn't want to talk about it, who was Magnus to push it? He trusted Alec to tell him when he was ready. For now he would continue to treat Alec like he normally would. But something told him they would not continue where the conversation on the phone had ended. He pulled away, taking Alec's hand and led him over to the couch where he had spent the past hour.

He sat down in the middle of the couch and felt Alec sit down next to him, possibly a but further away than he had wished for. He heard the boy beside him exhale slowly.

"I –" was all Magnus was able to utter before Alec moved over and swung his leg over Magnus' so that he was straddling him; his hands on the back of the couch, Magnus' head between them.

"I really, as in really, don't want to talk about 'what is bothering me', okay? All I want now is something I haven't had in too long, and that is you," Alec said swiftly and simply, as if though it was the most obvious thing in this world. Whatever the warlock was going to say left his mind as Alec pressed down onto him, his lips getting closer and closer to Magnus' own. He watched Alec lick his lips slowly, his blue eyes staring the green down.

"I – " Magnus started again and cleared his throat as his voice came out higher than he had planned. "Okay," he added simply. And placed his arms around Alec's waist to get him closer but the Shadowhunder took Magnus' hands in the runed ones and put them back to Magnus' side.

"On my conditions," Alec said with a devilish grin and Magnus forced himself to swallow a groan.

**[ALEC'S POV]**

If this was going to happen, it was going down on Alec's own conditions. It would happen Alec's way or no way at all. And with Magnus he knew he could make that happen. Cause there was nothing Magnus wouldn't do for Alec; and he knew that. He knew that with Magnus, all Alec had to do was snap his fingers and Magnus would oblige; at least when it came to sex. Perfect.

Alec noticed, as he straddled his warlock that he had been missed. He looked into the green eyes all the while leaning into the ear. He talked slowly and low. "You'll keep your hands by your side, yes?" Magnus nodded. "You'll do as I say, no exceptions, yes?" It took a bit longer but Magnus nodded still. "Good, and you will, no matter what, stop. Not even if I tell you to?" To this Magnus tried to lean back enough to look into Alec's eyes and he felt it. But he kept by the warlocks ear. Partly because he couldn't look Magnus in the eye when asking this and partly because his own eyes were tearing up from asking. "Yes?" he asked a but more urgently and Magnus nodded. "I want it out loud," Alec insisted and smiled into the nape of Magnus' neck when he heard a "Yes."

"Thank you," Alec said almost inaudibly and placed his hands on Magnus' shoulder, his fingers digging into the fabric of the t-shirt. He would have Magnus his way, but first he had to work him up.

He did not get far before Magnus' phone started buzzing and Magnus made a move to get it. "Leave it," Alec demanded and the warlock nodded into Alec's shoulder. The skin on Magnus' neck was prickled with goosebumps and Alec set his teeth in it, starting to suck, letting his tongue swirl over the sensitive skin. He could feel the warlocks large hands twitching to move up onto Alec's body but they never did and Alec smiled at the obedience.

"You smell differently," Magnus murmured suddenly between moans into Alec's neck as a hickey was placed on the warlock's neck.

"Schh, don't talk," Alec said and continued. He couldn't tell Magnus that he smelled of seven men from the previous night. He couldn't tell Magnus about the-three-times more men that had had Alec since the night at the club. He wouldn't.

Magnus was too good for that. He was too good for Alec. That was the sole reason this had to happen. Alec would rather it was Magnus than someone else, but he needed it to not feel like Magnus. He needed it to feel like just anyone else that he had had over the past weeks. He could not allow himself to fall back into Magnus. He could not allow himself to fall back into Magnus and not be good enough for him, cause he wasn't. He had never felt like he was but now he was certain. What kind of fucked up person would do this and still be deserved by someone like Magnus? Not Alec, that was for sure. He would not allow it. And he was ready to go further than this to prove it.

The phone that had stopped earlier had started buzzing again and Alec preceded Magnus this time. "Answer it and we'll stop," he threatened and Magnus just shook his head. "I won't," he breathed and Alec felt how the warlocks sweatpants had tented.

Scooting back a bit, Alec moved to grab the erection through the fabric and Magnus let out what sounded like a mixture between a laugh and a sigh. Pumping the hard-on with one hand, Alec pushed his own sweatpants down, just below his ass. He took one of Magnus' hands and placed it on his thigh, just so that the tips of the fingers did not touch his skin. "Move it and we stop," he threatened again and the warlock nodded. Alec kept on pumping his other hand grabbing the hair at the nape of Magnus' neck, tugging slightly on it. He could feel a moan before he heard it and the grey sweatpants the warlock started to stain with pre-cum.

Smiling to himself, Alec stopped and prepared himself for a series of complaints from Magnus, but none came. He apparently took the "don't talk" very seriously. Slapping the hand Magnus had on Alec's ass, he stood up and looked down at the wanton warlock before him. "Get up and get your pants down. Not all the way, just to your knees." Magnus frowned slightly at the odd request but did as he was told, his chest rising and falling quickly. Alec positioned himself on the couch, his knees on the seat, one hand on the armrest and the second on the back.

"Now you fuck me," he said looking over his shoulder, seeing Magnus flinch at his harsh command. "Like there is no tomorrow, okay?" Magnus nodded, his green eyes glazed over from lust. Alec inhaled and looked ahead, into the wall – preparing.

He felt Magnus get closer but as the warlock leaned down to put his lips against Alec's cheeks, his fingers gently probing at Alec's entrance, he objected, turning around. "No," he said. "Fuck me."

"But –" Magnus started but Alec just shook his head and Magnus stood back up. Alec swayed his ass slightly, trying to get it to touch Magnus erection where it stood and the warlock let him for a bit, just watching. Finally, Alec reached back to spread himself and Magnus moaned at the sight. Alec knew he had him then. Magnus moved to the bedside table to get a condom but Alec slapped it hard. Magnus frowned but then smiled and took one step forward, pressing in. Not as hard as Alec would have wished but he pressed in nonetheless without question.

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

The sensation was almost too much for Magnus but the only thing that had him from coming was the fact that he had just pressed in all the way, not thinking once about Alec. He leaned into Alec's neck to make sure he wasn't hurting too much but his Shadowhunter did not utter a sound. Magnus figured it mustn't have been as bad as he though. Then again, he always prepared Alec.

He was just about to lean in to make sure Alec was doing alright when a pair of hands reached around, fumbling for Magnus' hands. He reached them out and felt Alec placing them on his own hips. He then let go of Magnus. With his hands on Alec's hips, Magnus got a good enough hold to be able to thrust regularly. He could hear Alec whimper under him but it was mixed with moans so Magnus figured he'd continue. He was about to reach around to grab Alec's length but Alec's hand was out to push Magnus aside before he got there. "No, just fuck me," Alec said and Magnus smiled to himself. Surely Alexander wanted to take care of himself. He fastened his pace and hardened the thrusts slightly; feeling Alec working up a hip movement that worked for them both. Magnus occasionally let his hand travel to Alec's ass cheek and grab it to spread him. Letting that hand travel up to the small of the Shadowhunter's back and then over the shoulder blades.

"Tell me to come for you," Alec begged and Magnus could hear the clogginess in his voice.

"But not yet," Magnus was taken aback. He did not want Alec to come just yet. Magnus himself was nowhere close and he would want the entire process to last just a little longer when they hadn't seen each other in such a long time.

"_Tell me_!"

"Come for me, Alexander. Please come for me."

He could hear Alec moan under him but he could not see if Alec had in fact reached climax. Sweat trailed his back and the hair in the nape of his neck stuck to the skin. Magnus leaned in and placed a few small kisses on Alec's shoulder blades as his hand reached up into Alec's black hair. He grabbed a few strands lightly as he leaned in further and placed a few kisses on Alexander's neck.

"Please stop kissing me," Alec sounded desperate. "Just fuck me. Harder." His knuckles had whitened from the hard grip he had on the back of the couch.

"Sorry, love." Magnus was sorry.

"No, no nicknames. No nothing, just fuck me."

Magnus did as he was told. He continued thrusting. Not precisely sure of what to do apart from thrusting, so he did just that and continued until he felt that common pull just above his waist line.

"Ah Alec," Magnus moaned. "You are making me come, sweetie," he quietened quickly, realizing he had used a nickname, but seeing as Alec didn't seem to have noticed he let it go. He continued, his grip on Alec's hips hardening, getting more desperate. "Such a good boy."

"No," Alec yelled suddenly out of no where and turned around to push Magnus off him.

**[ALEC'S POV]**

Magnus let Alec push him off so easily it was as if though he was made of air. As he turned around he saw the look on Magnus' face. It was a face of pure surprise and shock. Alec didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to say anything without blurting out _everything_. So he said nothing.

"I –" Magnus started, like so many times before lately, but Alec just shook his head, pulling his clothes on. He felt the tears streaming down his face no and he made no attempt to hide it from from boyfriend. He thought he would be able to do it. He thought he had made enough progress to be with Magnus but he hadn't. He hadn't gotten far enough away from the fact that it was Magnus; but at the same time he had gotten too close to that night at the club. Way closer than he would want to and it was all suddenly out of his control. And that was one thing he did not do. It was on his conditions and Magnus had not followed them. Though Alec was not entirely sure whether he was angry with Magnus for not following the agreements and easy commands, or with himself for having to put them out instead of just having sex with his boyfriend. It couldn't be _that_ hard could it?

He stomped towards the door of the loft and heard Magnus call out for him. So unlike Jace. At least Jace knew when to let things be. He did not turn around to look at Magnus. He did not care to turn around as he opened the door and heard it creak that lovely creaky sound. And he did not turn around as he slammed the door shut.

He had taken it too far. He had taken it out on Magnus, who had nothing to do with any of this. What kind of person did that? Someone selfish and self-absorbed. Someone with issues beyond measure and repair. His feet took him to the first place he could think of. Where he seemed to always end up. But at this point Alec did not care a single bit. Whatever care he had had earlier he had lost on his way there and this time he did not care to wait at the bar for someone to pick him up. Instead he walked up to the first person he saw that stood on their own.

"Bathroom?" he said suggestively and the person, possibly a Pete, took the bait in an instant. Alec did not blame him. Alec was still stinking with sex and had sweat all over his body, having his clothes sticking to his body. As he and 'Pete' reached the bathroom he turned around, undid the pants for the guy and pulled down his own. "No talking, just fuck me." And 'Pete' did.

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

"Alright, what the hell is up with my boyfriend!?" Magnus was no longer boiling with anger as he had been when he last spoke to Jace. Instead he was now in despair. Obviously something graver than just 'personal stuff'.

"You mean he got to yours?" Jace asked on the other side of the line.

"What?" Magnus was not following, and that did not happen often. He hated the feeling of not being up to date.

"I was not sure he would be going to yours – I called but didn't get an answer – but I'm glad he did. Though it doesn't seem like you talked things through as well as he made it seem like you did," Jace ranted and Magnus shook his head to clear it.

"We did not talk at all," Magnus admitted. "He said it was personal and I left it alone but something tells me I shouldn't have. And now he's left and – just tell me what is going on?"

"I'd rather Alec told you," Jace started but Magnus was not having any of that.

"Obviously he is not going to tell me anything. So either you tell me on your own or I will make sure you talk, understood?" It was not often Magnus made threats. He left them for special occasions to leave them with more effect.

And so Jace spilled. He started from the beginning. He ended at the end. Mid-story Magnus sat down in the couch again, fighting to keep the phone up to hear the rest. As Jace finished up with saying Alec had left for Magnus' there was only one question to be answered.

"So where is he now?"


	10. Chapter 10

**°Okay so this is the longest chapter just yet and that is simply beacuse I couldn't stop writing. I don't know what happened but the creativity-juices kept flowing; then if it turned out well I'll let you be the judges haha :) Things are closing up, if everything goes as planned there'll be about four more chapters (then again, things can change). Your reviews keep me posting; so THANK YOU3**

**I do not, I repeat ****_do not_**** own the people portrayed. Just to make it clear, I don't own them. At all. What so ever. Just so you know. And if you doubt it, don't. Cause I don't own them.°**

**[JACE'S POV]**

Magnus picked up on the first ring. "I found him!"

"I'm coming right over!"

"I think, don't take it the wrong way, but I think that we'll get him to the Institute." Jace anticipated Magnus' protest and interjections but none came. Instead Magnus sounded really calm.

"I think you are right. Let me know, though."

Jace promised they would keep Magnus posted on Alec's state before getting one of his arms around Alec's back and his other on his waist, having Clary help him get the pale Shadowhunter up.

"That did not sound too bad," Clary said between the breaths. Getting Alec up the stairs of the large building clearly took some serious effort. As they reached the lift, they got Alec in and Clary leaned over to press the button to get them to the right floor. "I mean, he did not sound too upset, right?"

"Actually," Jace started but stopped himself to straight Alec up as he almost fell over. "Actually, he sounded abnormally calm. I would have expected him to scream at me for even suggesting it, but then again I think he knows that is the best way." Jace had been honestly surprised. Had it been the other way around Jace would have smashed Magnus' front door in to get to see his _parabatai_.

They got Alec to his room and Clary left as Jace once again got him cleaned up and placed him under the duvet, in the bed, his head carefully placed on the pillow. Alec immediately tucked his head in under his arm and snored quietly. Jace smiled to himself at the way Alec had always slept; it didn't seem comfortable in the slightest. But nonetheless, he left Alec to join Clary in his own room.

"What did you tell your parents?" he asked as he joined her on his bed, her head in his lap where he sat probed against the wall. The concrete felt cold against his skin and he shivered slightly.

"Just that we had passed each other in turns and that he showed up, wondering why we all were so happy to see him," Clary explained and poked at the seam of Jace's jeans. He in return had his fingers woven into her red curls, twisting them around his fingers. "What about Izzy?"

"Magnus and I decided not tell her. Magnus told her he was here and I told her that Alec was at Magnus. That way we could just put it that he indeed passed everyone, just missing them." Jace had felt like that might not work but Izzy, so woven into her relationship with Simon had bought it but he doubted they could have kept it up for much longer; she had started asking some serious questions. Jace guessed she had just as much trouble as himself with going too long without seeing her brother.

Alec had been gone for just about a week. None of them had seen him. Magnus saw him last when he left the loft but none of them had managed to get a hold of him. He had left his phone at Magnus so whenever any of them called or texted Magnus knew. Izzy had called and asked for him but it was easy just saying that he had misplaced his phone and that was that. It was an easy lie to tell cause it was partly true. He had misplaced his phone at Magnus'; they just didn't know whether he had done it purpose or not.

They had found him in an alley just outside the same club that Jace had visited with Magnus and Alec a few weeks prior. He was once again beaten bloody. But this time he was also frozen solid and his arms were covered in nasty looking scratches and his hair was plastered to his face with cold sweat. Knowing a mundane hospital couldn't do anything runes couldn't Jace managed to get him back to the Institute with help from Clary.

"What about your parents?" Clary wondered as she turned around so that she faced him directly. She had, to Jace's disappointment given up fiddling with the seam. "What have you told them?"

"Nothing? I just made sure that I took all the calls and what not instead of Alec, telling them he was at Magnus and that they probably didn't want to get disturbed. Neither of them were too keen on asking questions about that and according to Magnus they didn't call once."

Clary muffled a giggle. Jace raised an eye brow at her and she shrugged. "I could imagine both of them being rather shocked if they called in the middle of – you know."

"I'd be shocked if Magnus or Alec even bothered picking up," Jace confessed and smiled.

"You wouldn't?"

Clary looked down at her. Her eyes were impossibly dark and he felt himself being pulled in. "Let us not discuss possible phone sex with a third part. I don't feel comfortable doing that."

"I –" Clary started but Jace flew up as he heard a loud shout.

His stomach twisted as he recognized his _parabatai_'s voice. "Stay here," he said before rushing out of the room. Something told him that he should be going on his own and as he reached Alec's room he realized that he had been right.

Sitting in his bed, his hair damp with sweat, Alec shook. He was like a leaf in the wind and big light blue eyes stared at Jace as he walked through the door. He took a few careful steps towards his older brother, who looked like a deer in headlights. Jace had never seen Alec like this. He had seen Alec scared but this was Alec frightened out of his sane mind. Jace slowly put his arms up and smiled lightly at Alec.

"Hey," he did not expect an answer and didn't get one. "I'm just going to sit down beside you, alright?" And he sat down. Alec didn't say or do anything, just stared. Jace could see that large tears were streaming down Alec's face and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and make them go. Instead he sat still, like a cat, just waiting. Neither of the two said anything and not before long Alexander lay back down, curled together like a ball and fell back to sleep. Jace let him. He just watched as Alec's chest rose and fell, rose and fell – as if to make sure that it actually did. He sat still for close to an hour, counting minutes passing, checking the rising and falling chest - before Alec sat back up, his voice catching on the dry throat. As he saw Jace his hands flew of as to fend Jace off but the blonde just remained still. He firstly, did not really know what to do and secondly he didn't want to scare Alec more by rushing forwards.

"You okay?" asked Jace, though it was a stupid question. Alec was as far from okay as Jace had ever seen anyone. "Want something?"

"Don't leave," was all Alec said with a rough voice. "Please."

"Not going anywhere, ever." Jace said it simply and scooted closer on the bed, so that his leg was touching Alec's side. His brother turned around and placed his head on Jace's lap. His hair was greasy and the bruises on his cheeks and neck had started healing properly thanks to the runes. He also had stopped bleeding and his blood-shot eyes were clearing up – the runes fading by the minute. Jace wanted to know what had happened but was careful not to ask.

"Thank you," Alec mumbled and Jace just smiled. His left hand soon found its way to Alec's black strands and started fiddling with them, letting his index and middle fingers pull through them with different patterns. Alec softly fell asleep and snored within just a few minutes. Once again Jace was back onto checking the breathing and he felt his own breathing getting slower and slower, his eyelids heavier.

The next morning Jace was knackered. Alec had slept through the rest of the night with one exception and so had Jace. But still it felt like his entire head was made of stone as he opened his eyes the next day. Him and Alec lay in an awkward position; Jace's head tucked into Alec's neck, who had his legs wrapped around Jace's left arm and his arms around Jace's right ankle.

_Breakfast?_

_Sure, we'll be right down._

Jace put his phone and the conversation with Clary down and turned to Alec who had returned to his head-under-his-arm position. Jace softly placed a hand on Alec's shoulder but the raven haired shot up and Jace pulled back so quickly he banged his head on the wall.

"Hey, hey," he tried. "Just me," he said – his hands up in the air. It took Alec a few seconds to register and when he did his eyes fell. He sighed loudly and fell back onto the bed, his chest heaving quickly. "Sorry I scared you," Jace said and straightened up, massaging the back of his head.

"Thanks for staying the night," Alec said, his blue eyes meeting Jace's amber for the first time in a long time. Jace had missed those eyes.

"Nothing to thank me for," he said and bounced of the bed. "Let's get some breakfast."

"Not feeling like leaving the Institute," Alec said.

"Good thing Clary is preparing breakfast downstairs then," Jace smiled and reached out a hand for Alec to grab. He didn't doubt that Alec could get out of bed on his own but he felt like offering a hand wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Clary can cook?" Alec asked, sounding rather amazed.

"Let's hope so," Jace smiled as Alec took his hand.

They'd have to wait to know whether Clary could in fact cook, cause as they reached the kitchen she sat the table with take out bags from Taki's. "Got a bit of each," she said and poured some coffee in a large mug for Alec.

"Thanks," he mumbled but gave her a slight smile and she returned it. Jace watched them for a bit and wondered how he came to get these two, both of them in his life.

They ate in silence, apart from the munching sounds they all gave out. Alec had clearly not eaten properly in a long time and neither Clary nor Jace had had much of an appetite since Alec left. They hadn't had energy or will to do anything really, apart from looking for Alec. It was just pure luck that Clary had decided to check that one alley. Jace would have walked straight pass it.

"Did you call Magnus?" Alec asked suddenly and Jace who had just taken a large bit looked to Clary who answered for him.

"We did call to let him know that you are here, but he agreed to not coming here until you said that you wanted him here." She spoke kindly and calmly. Jace wondered whether she'd be a good psychologist but decided against it when it came to temper and patience.

"You make it sound as if he did something wrong."

Jace swallowed and looked at Alec. "No one said that. No one's done anything wrong, we just figured – all of us; Magnus included – that you might need some time for yourself."

Alec shrugged and sighed. "Thanks for breakfast, Clary." He stood up to leave, Clary offering him more coffee but he declined and Jace watched him leave. He quickly finished his bagel, stood up and placed a kiss on Clary's forehead before heading after Alec. To no surprise he found Alec in the Training Room.

"Want to do some sparring?" Jace asked and smiled as Alec turned around and looked at him with a raised eye brow. "You know, keeping the techniques up for when we in fact get back to hunting demons."

Alec let out a slight chuckle. "Yeah why not?" he said.

They managed to get a good two hour session of training done before Clary came down to them, letting them know that they should probably get back upstairs. Heading after her towards the main room, Jace looked to Alec who looked slightly worried. Jace on the other hand was just curious what it was that had Clary get them. As they reached the main room his curiosity was stilled.

Isabelle stood by the large sofa, her hands buried in a large paper bag. Jace smiled at her and he saw Alec trying his best to do the same. Isabelle smiled largely at them and sat down. "Hey you," she smiled even wider at Alec. "Haven't seen you around too much lately. You and Magnus might want to take a break sometimes, you know?" she smirked as she returned her focus to the bag. Jace saw Alec tense so he spoke before Alec had to.

"You volunteering as Santa this year?" he asked, referring to Izzy's bag as she looked up in confusion.

"Ha-ha," she mocked. "No. I was out shopping and I found some stuff for you," she pointed at Alec, "so I am particularly glad you are here so that I wouldn't have to leave it with Jace. He might get jealous and keep it for himself."

She pulled out a box from the bag and tossed it to Alec who caught it out of pure reflex. He hesitantly opened it. "Come on, it won't bite," Isabelle said impatiently. Jace ruled her out as a possible psychologist as well, along with reasons such as inappropriate comments and anger issues. Jace peeked over his brother's shoulder and saw that the box contained a thin silver chain. He looked up at Izzy who smiled, watching Alec taking it out and putting it on.

"I would not have kept that. Silver doesn't do anything good for me, I am more of a gold guy," Jace smirked and he would see Clary roll her eyes.

"You bought this," Alec said, looking at his sister and she shrugged.

"I killed an unfriendly customer outside an older lady's shop and she gave it to me as a thank you."

"You what?" Clary was in shock.

"It was a demon, not a common person. I don't kill people for jewelry. Perhaps for shoes on sale, but not silver. And it went fine, before you can ask," she added looking at Jace who felt himself tense and lean forward at the mention of demons. He longed for the day his blade was properly back into his hand and he was on a hunt with Alec. Though he could feel that being in a far future.

"Thank you," Alec said simply and Izzy smiled at her brother, pushing some long black hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, I'm gonna go have a lie down," Alec said quickly then, without anyone having time to respond, left.

"Magnus really wore him out, didn't he?" Isabelle joked and got her bag onto the floor, crossing her legs where she sat. Clary smiled at her but Jace didn't. Somehow he wanted to tell her. She was his brother but if Alec didn't tell her himself Jace didn't feel like being the one to break it to her. But she was their sister. She should know. But not unless Alec told her himself. Jace usually knew what to do, or felt like he did but this time he was so far from sure he felt dizzy.

"Izzy, could you help Clary get dinner ready, I'll get the Training Room cleaned up," Jace said and looked to Clary. He could see from the slight nod she gave that she understood. As he left he heard her smiling as she spoke; "Call Simon and have him over as well; I'm just glad the pair of you are staying for dinner. Haven't seen much of you lately."

Jace headed up Alec's room and found him on the bed, fiddling with the chain.

"You want to tell her but you don't feel like you can?" Jace asked, standing in the door way and Alec looked up.

"Could you tell her?" he retorted, not unfriendly.

"She is our sister."

"That so doesn't answer the question."

"I guess it would take time, but I would tell her eventually," Jace said honestly. He sat down on the bed next to his brother, both of them staring at the wall ahead of them. Alec's hands still on the chain, Jace's in his lap.

"She and Simon are staying for dinner," Jace said suddenly, much to his own surprise and Alec nodded. "You don't mind?"

"Nah. Good to have people over so I don't have to be alone too much."

"That is improvement," Jace said and thought about the Alec that wanted to be alone and alone and alone. Withdrawing as soon as anyone else got within a foot's reach. He could see on Alec that he knew what Jace meant.

They remained silent again. Jace had never minded the silence with Alec. It always felt like they could talk if they wanted to but if they felt like being silent that was just fine as well. That way their silence never became awkward and for that Jace was ever so grateful. He had always been the one to full the awkward silence with pointless jokes and repertoires, feeling the need to fill whatever wasn't really there.

"You never told Magnus." Jace said it like a statement. And he could see that Alec didn't take it as anything else. But Alec did not say anything. "I thought you would, but Magnus told me you hadn't."

"What if it had been Clary?"

Jace's blood froze. "I'd have killed them." He spoke with a voice more matter of fact than he thought he'd be able to. "I would have killed them and enjoyed it."

"I mean if you had been me, Clary taking Magnus' place. What'd you have done?"

Jace thought hard and long. "I'd have told her," he confessed. Alec looked at him in doubt and Jace nodded. "She'd understand."

"It is not the same thing. It is different if you are a guy and – "

"There is no difference," Jace cut off. "No difference what so ever. No one is more or less of a victim just because they're a boy or a girl. It's no more their fault depending on their gender."

Alec looked up. Jace met his gaze steadily. "I mean it," he said and with a sigh his brother nodded.

"I should have told him. I know I should have but I just – I couldn't. It – just no. I couldn't."

_Dinner is ready_.

_Be right down._

Jace's text-convo with Clary had the brothers set down for dinner with Izzy and Simon. They did not stay for long though. Jordan and Simon had gig with the band and Clary decided to head along Izzy to go check it out. Alec and Jace stayed behind, both of them too tired to go. Jace was nowhere near as tired as he made light of but he didn't feel like leaving Alec on his own.

It did not take long before Alec was asleep again and Jace remained in his room, pretending to be reading when he in fact kept checking the breathing. He felt like a professional breath-checked and wondered whether you could get a degree in Breath-Checking – _PhD in Breath-Checking_ had an odd ring to it – when Alec sat straight up, his face pale as the moon. He was drenched in sweat and shivered. But Alec quickly fell back to sleep and Jace returned to checking. But Alec woke up at least three or four times over the next hours and after a while Jace took a different approach to the awakenings.

"Tell me what you dreamt," he said suddenly and Alec looked up in surprise, as if though he had forgotten Jace was even there, but then looked grateful that he in fact were.

"Nothing, just – nothing," he said but Jace insisted. "I just – I cannot get that night out of my mind." Jace knew immediately what night Alec was talking about. "It feels like it is on replay, non-stop, whenever I close my eyes." Jace nodded and asked Alec to continue. "I can see their faces everywhere, their voices ring in my head and I keep feeling their hands –" Alec broke off and Jace scooted closed, carefully placing a hand around Alec's shoulder. His _parabatai_ let him. Jace didn't have to ask him to keep talking. "I just wish that I could get them out, I don't care if I tear a bunch of other memories out as well, I just – _need – them – out_. You know?" but he didn't await an answer. "One of them was a blonde and your hair reminds me of him. One had brown so whenever I see someone with brown hair, a bit lighter than Simon's I cringe. But whenever I see myself in the mirror, see Magnus' black hair, think about it, I just feel sick to my stomach. I turned him down, I – at the club – I told him off. And I keep wondering had I just – If I had just –" Alec broke off and Jace realized that Alec was crying. He had talked to calmly and clearly that Jace had not seen the tears falling from his brother's face.

"Don't think like that, okay?" Jace talked softly, a voice he only ever used when talking to people he cared for. His siblings and Clary. "Did you get any of their names?"

Alec shook his head.

"I just want them out," Alec said quietly and shuddered. Jace didn't say anything. He didn't trust himself to speak. He remained still and quiet until Alec fell asleep against his side. Then he carefully worked himself free and got out into the hall and fished his phone out and dialed.

"Magnus?"

"Is something wrong?" the warlock sounded worried.

"No, no. I just – Alec is worse. Worse than he was when he got to yours and I don't know what to do. What do you do?"

"I don't know," Magnus sounded honestly distressed. "I really don't know."

"Can't you just flick your fingers and have the magic juices flowing?" Jace asked, knowing the possible answer.

"I could but I won't. Not on Alec." Magnus said it simply, as if though it was the most obvious thing. He sounded so tired and Jace couldn't blame him. He knew Magnus had gotten too much sleep lately either. Though with his contacts he hadn't been able to find Alec and Jace knew that he blamed himself for it.

"Why not?"

"Cause magic is a fake illusion of reality. Alec is not fake."

Jace knew that much but there had to be something someone could do. Anything.

"I guess guess he'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. The way people have done it for thousands of years," Magnus said and he now had the voice of someone who had lived for hundreds of years and had seen this happen lots of times.

"What would that be?" Jace asked, knowing he sounded like stubborn eight year-old.

"Hurt and then hurt some more, in order to heal."


	11. Chapter 11

**°Aaaah I'm sorry for the late update. BUT I've had ****_a lot_**** to do at work plus sleeping my way through a cold. But here it is and this is not quite the way I wanted it to be and I am sorry about that; don't hate :) I am seeing quite a lot of you are angry with Alec and quite a lot are angry with Magnus and whilst I feel bad for them that is kinda the feelings I wanted to get out of this hehe. Anyhow, enjoy and don't censor anything in the reviews cause I do ****_looooove_**** reading them! :)**

**I don't own the (incredibly handsome, funny, adorable, perfect and in every aspect awesome) characters, they are still Cassandra Clare's.°**

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

Magnus pulled another sweater on. No matter how much clothes or magic he used, he couldn't seem to stop feeling cold. He hadn't seen Alec since the Shadowhunter had stormed out over a week ago. Magnus had wanted to go to the Institute but he couldn't. He had told Jace he understood that Alec needed his own time but truth was that Magnus needed his own time as well. Magnus needed to get his head straight around things. First of he wanted to know what had happened to Alec, though he doubted that would happen anytime soon. He knew Jace's version, who had gotten his version from Alec but who knew how much he had left out?

Chairman Meow meowed at Magnus when he walked pass and Magnus let his hand trail over his head. He enjoyed the full fur and smiled to himself. Chairman had made sure to keep Magnus' mind occupied all the while they had looked for Alec. Whether is was intentional or not he didn't know but he appreciated it nonetheless.

Magnus blamed himself for Alec being gone for a week. Had he just been more keen on holding onto him he wouldn't have let him left. Had he just put his head above his lust he would not have let Alec go. But he had and he blamed himself for it.

"It sure isn't _fast_ food," Magnus complained to no one in particular but Chairman Meow let out an agreeing purr. Or at least that's what Magnus thought it sounded like. He could have snapped his fingers and food would appear instantly. But snapping his fingers didn't give the same pleasure anymore. Instead he waited for his thai and watched American Idol reruns.

Magnus had fallen asleep. Somewhere between the semifinals and the grand final of season 8. He woke up abruptly from a loud knock on the door. "Finally!" he sighed and swung his legs of the couch. "If this is fast then I don't want to know how many centuries would pass if I ordered slow food. I guess it would be – " He stopped talking as he opened the door.

"Hey," Alec smiled lightly and one of his hands found its way into his endearing black hair. "Could I – Can I come in?"

Magnus didn't answer, he just stepped aside and let Alec enter, shutting the door after his boyfriend.

"I didn't – I surely was not expecting you," Magnus said as leaned against the door, his hands behind his back. He was swiftly fumbling with the hem of his sweater. He regretted not having put on another pair of pants instead of the old grey sweatpants. And why was he wearing this many sweaters, wasn't it awfully hot in here?

"I know, I just – I feel like I owe you a massive apology. And I need you to trust me when I say that I am sorry." Alec's eyes were calm as the sky outside. Summer nights were Magnus' favorite, they were grey and blue at the same time, only this particular one was slightly more blue; like Alec's eyes. His hair was wet around his temples and neck, and Magnus figured he had showered before he left the Institute. He wondered whether Jace knew Alec had left.

Without further invitation Alec walked into the loft, ending up by the coach, but not sitting down. Magnus followed him, slowly, expectantly, but said nothing. He looked at Alec and nodded. He had no idea of why he nodded or what the nodding meant but Alec nodded back. Somehow Alec looked different but at the same time the exact same. His body was different, it was no longer dressed in bruises and cuts, his face was its usual pale tone but not greyish as it had been the last time Magnus had seen him. But his eyes were still sunken in and Magnus guessed he had not gotten a lot of sleep lately. He could see that Alec saw his gaze and he smiled lightly. He was just thinking he had missed Alec's smile as well when the Shadowhunter smiled back, his eyes lighting up just a tad.

Taking a few steps, Magnus reached Alec and put his arms around him. He could hear Alec about to speak but he pulled away and looked straight into the blue eyes. "No need." Alec said nothing, just returned his face to Magnus' torso. They stood this way for a short while before Alec withdrew ever so slightly but only to reach up and kiss the underside of Magnus' chin. A shiver went through the warlock and he reached in to catch Alec's lips with his own. He smiled into the kiss as Alec's tongue probed to get entrance; Magnus let it.

They remained standing in the middle of the loft, their tongues dancing, Alec's hands finding their way over Magnus' body, and vice versa. Suddenly Alec's hand reached Magnus' inner thigh and with a load moan Magnus stepped back. Alec broke the kiss and looked up at his boyfriend. "What?"

"I just think we shouldn't. Can't we just keep it at this," Magnus said, meaning the kissing. "I like it, just this."

Alec nodded and returned to Magnus' lips. The warlock smiled into the kiss, he was honest. He liked this just as it was. There was no need taking a step that Alec might not be ready to take. Something that might make him fall back into the same behavior as before. But it didn't take more than a minute before Alec's hands found their way to the hem of Magnus' sweatpants. But stopping Alec right there, Magnus smiled into the kiss and shook his head. He could deal with Alec being playful. Seeming to get the picture, Alec's hands kept away from the lower part of Magnus' body, but that did not keep the situation from getting hot. He could feel Alec getting closer and closer and before he knew it they were practically having sex with their clothes on, without even properly having sex.

"Alec, stop. We need to talk this through." Magnus voice was hoarse as he pulled away and he had to put all his effort into not giving in to what Alec wanted, seeing as Alec knew exactly what Magnus usually wanted. His entire willpower went into not letting Alec get his way. It was hard because he was usually so intent on Alec actually getting his way.

Shaking his head, Alec hushed him. "Shh, don't," he said. "Just kiss me."

Magnus kissed him but only for a brief second before he pulled away and sighed. "Alec," he started but Alec's lips were on him again. The Shadowhunter's kissing had grown more urgent – Magnus broke away again. "Come on," Alec moaned and sounded a lot more distressed than the last time he had spoken. "Please."

Magnus nodded into the kiss and felt his stomach stir. Alec's hands found their way into Magnus' hair and tugged on the black strands. It was urgent and passionate. The kiss turned sloppier and harder by the second and Magnus felt the hem of his sweatpants being pushed down –

"Stop," he breathed, trying to break away but not succeeding until he grabbed the back of Alec's head by the hair and tugged it back, hard.

Moving quicker than Magnus ever had registered, Alec's one hand pushed Magnus' away and the other found its way around the warlocks throat. He spun them around and pressed Magnus up against the closest wall and with quick ragged breaths he spoke.

"You _need_ to give it to me," Alec's eyes were black as stormy seas and Magnus breathed heavily. There was something about Alec when he looked like this. He looked wild and ever so dangerous. It was not often that this side came out with Alec. And it was always with a demon in Magnus' place. Magnus had seen Alec in action and never envied the demon at the other side of the steele.

Magnus looked at the person he had come to love so endearingly and unconditionally over the past year. There was nothing he would not give Alec to make him happy. If it meant bringing the moon down he would, given that it would actually be possible, but he would. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, he would not do to make Alec's suffering easier.

"No," he said simply.

There was a loud knock on the door but Magnus could tell that Alec was going to ignore it. So he did as well. "Alec you have to understand that –"

"I, I don't have to understand _anything_. You have to understand that I am broken. Broken beyond fucking repair and neither of you are helping." Magnus understood that the words that cut like knives indicated himself and Jace. "You are not helping in the slightest and whilst I am crumbling like a fucking slice of bread under the beaks of birds all you care about is how I am treating you."

"Alec, I –" Magnus tried but Alec was on a roll and kept talking as if though Magnus wasn't there. In fact Alec was not even looking at Magnus anymore. He was staring straight ahead. "I can't sleep, I hardly eat and Jace only thinks about how he failed to keep me under control, how I hurt him. I am breaking into pieces and the worst possible thing to happen according to you is giving me the one fucking things that makes things stop breaking for just a short period of time. You said you loved me and still you won't let me stop hurting for just a fucking minute. Fuck you. Fuck you Magnus."

The knocking went on until finally Alec pulled the door open. Magnus had not realized they had moved towards the door as if though Alec was on the verge of leaving every second but stopped himself straight away. On the other side stood a thin man with a green cap and a white plastic bag in his hands. Alec looked confused but the man interrupted. "Your order?"

"No," Alec said simply and made to shut the door but a foot was in the way.

"I came all this way, so that'll be 19.99," said the guy but his voice was wavering and Magnus could see his palms sweating.

"Go away or your foot will no longer be attached to your body," Alec barked, his eyes grazing over the foot on the doorpost, and the guy holding the white plastic bag put the bag down and turned on the spot, hurrying down the stairs.

"I think you should leave now," Magnus said slowly but with strength. Only, Alec continued as if though Magnus had not spoken at all. As if though thai food hadn't just been delivered.

"All you really do is hurt the people you say you love! I bet you don't care about anyone but yourself. You are just as selfish as everyone else, only worse cause you pretend you aren't. I bet this Will –"

"Don't go there," Magnus warned.

"I bet this Will," Alec repeated, "was just another person you hurt, another person you broke out of your own selfish desires and I bet you enjoyed – "

There was a loud snap sounding through the air and Alec's head flung to one side, his hair covering most of his face. Magnus' hand was out and though he had not touched Alec physically, his magic had and now Alec was bleeding from his lower lip. The blue eyes staring incredulously into Magnus'. His voice trembled slightly as he spoke. "Fine, you are right. I _should_ leave."

"Alec, I – " Magnus said, taking a step forwards, his hand still out.

"Don't. Don't touch me," Alec snapped, taking a step back, and Magnus felt the words like burns. He let Alec leave. Again.


	12. Chapter 12

**°Okay so this was one of those chapters that I had written down way before the chapters that lead to this one and I don't know why, but this part in particular was so clear in my mind all along. Anyway, I hope some of you are getting something out of this. I also want to thank you for the amazing reviews from the last chapter, you guys spoil me *.* ANYWAY; enjoy this chapter and don't be mad at me for going to my girlfriends place for a few days (meaning I won't update) but I will give you a little something as I get back. Six hours by bus is a long way to go; meaning loads of time to write :)**

**Cassandra Clare owns these broken souls, not me. I'd put them in blankets and give them cookies°**

**[ALEC'S POV]**

Alec could not remember the last time he had been this angry. His blood felt like it was boiling and where his neck and back had been wet from the shower just a few hours previously it was not soaked with sweat and he could feel tears threaten to fall. His fists were clenched into tiny balls and the nails dug into the palms. His lips a thin line, he steered his steps forward, pushing people aside, thankful for the fact that they couldn't see him doing so. His lips stung and he let his index and middle finger graze the blood sipping from the cut.

He had not meant to provoke Magnus. He had not meant to push it that far. He had just, as he started, been unable to stop. And now he was boiling. Who the hell was that selfish? Who the hell was so fucking absorbed with themselves that they didn't see the real pain? Alec turned into the nearest alley, this one containing large dumpsters and filled plastic bags. He leaned against one of the brick walls and screamed.

His throat turned raw and soar, he tasted blood but he kept on screaming. He screamed until he was hoarse enough to force himself to stop. He hadn't realized before, but tears had started making their way down his cheeks. He quickly pushed them aside and focused on having his hard breathing calmed. He hadn't realized how selfish he had been. He hadn't realized just how much he was hurting Jace and Magnus by treating them this way. He honestly hadn't. Or had he? A small part of his mind told him that he had, and he had kept doing it just to make sure that he was not the only one hurting. He was utterly disgusted with himself. People were hurting because of him. Because of actions he had chosen. And it didn't seem more than fair that he was the one paying for it, right?

But this time it was different. This time Alec wasn't sure of what to do to make the pain subdue. He wouldn't go down the same road that he used to, cause the Pete's and Steven's no longer did it for him. He couldn't go out and pick a fight without having drunk alcohol; he'd only win. He wouldn't get his hands on alcohol without a club at this hour and he was not going into one cause that would lead to sex; which he did not want. It was a vicious circle that all led down to Alec having to find another way to hurt. He ended up deciding that walking down the street was a good idea and he also decided that he would keep on walking until something worth noticing crossed his path.

"_To me it just seems weird that he keeps disappearing whenever he has been at yours_," Alec heard the voice through the kitchen door as he walked into the Institute and immediately recognized it as Jace's. "_I am not saying it is your – No, I am not saying that. I just wished that there was something we could do. I am willing to try anything Magnus, anything. I just need him to be okay,_" Alec felt his inside turn. He hesitantly opened the door to the kitchen, only to find Jace sitting by the kitchen table, his left foot bouncing on the cold tiles, his head in one hand and the other one holding a phone to his ear. He looked up slowly as he heard the creak of the floor board. "I will call you back," Jace said and hung up; Alec could hear that Magnus was in the middle of a sentence as he was cut off.

"Where the actual fuck have you been?" Jace said blankly as he stood up. Alec was surprised he wasn't screamed at. Jace's eyes though, were the color of intense amber and it felt like they were cutting through Alec's soul as he was stared down.

"I was out," Alec said just as calmly.

"You were gone two days. Forty-eight fucking hours we spent worrying out of our minds for you, again. And you come waltzing in, having 'been out'. What the actual –"

"Calm down," Alec said though Jace still appeared calm, he was just using words that would sound angry. He was in fact sounding as if though he was reading the content list of a shampoo bottle. But Alec's inside was the complete opposite of Jace's calm. He had been gone for forty-eight hours? He hadn't guessed more than five or six, maybe seven. Then again, he had been lost in thought and walked. A lot.

"This has to stop, Alec," Jace said silently, but very firmly and Alec's inside felt like it had been stabbed with a hot pitch fork. "It has to."

"It is nothing – nothing to stop," Alec shrugged and made to move past Jace, who had moved to stand by the door now.

"You are not going anywhere until you tell me that this will stop," Jace said.

"There is nothing –"

"_Nothing?_ You call being gone for a night, two nights, a bloody week, nothing? You call me finding you bloody and bruised, burnt, hurt and shaking from dehydration and hypothermia, nothing?" Jace had raised his voice now. His hair and eyes showing the appearance of an angel as people normally knew them, all light and gold, whilst the tone and body language spoke of something far more like what Angels actually looked like. Unforgiving and hard. "You cannot in your wildest imagination believe that I will buy that piece of crap again. You cannot possibly think that we don't care enough about you to –"

"I'm leaving," Alec said quickly and tried to push aside but Jace hauled him back into the kitchen with a single swift movement of his arm. Alec fell to the floor looking to Jace, stunned.

"You are not going anywhere," Jace repeated, placing his feet further apart. A move Alec knew was readying him for a possible counter attack from Alec.

"Hah – you are grounding me?" Alec mocked as he stood back up and Jace took a step forward.

"I will tie you to a fucking chair if I have to. But you are not leaving this Institute without a promise that this will never happen again."

"I promise," Alec said simply.

"On the Angel." Jace's voice was absolute and there was no way past this Alec knew, unless he actually swore on the Angel. So he remained silent. Jace took a careful step forward. "Alec, you know you can talk to me, right?"

This was exactly what Alec did not need. He did not need Jace's voice to be caring and understanding. He did not need Jace's promises that everything would be alright. And he certainly did not need Jace's ears to hear whatever Alec had to say about what had happened or what he felt about it. What he needed was to get out of here. But he remained still.

"I want to hear what you have to say, okay?" Jace's voice got inside Alec's head and he wanted to tell. He wanted to share this with Jace, if not because Jace had asked for it, then to make his own burden just a slight bit smaller. But he couldn't, for the exact same reasons. None of the thoughts that whirled through Alec's head made much sense. He could feel his throat clogging and his lungs shrinking just as Jace reached around and tried to take hold of Alec's shoulders. The older pushed his brother off and reached for the door but Jace just grabbed hold of him and held him close. Alec's back was against Jace's stomach and though Alec had trained getting out of this positions since he first started training, he knew it would be in vain – Jace had practiced keeping someone in this grip, no matter what. And Alec doubted Jace would let him go.

"Get the fuck off me!" Alec roared at Jace instead, but he was met with a matched strength as he tried to pull away. Jace was just as stubborn. The blonde did not utter a single word, but only hold onto Alec's shaking frame. He was not using more strength than he had to, but he made sure Alec wasn't getting away. "Please. Please let go off me. Please."

Alec would have tried this tactic earlier had it not been that he hadn't gotten the chance. But this time his panic was real. He needed to get out of the grip around him. He felt trapped. He no longer had control over the situation. Simply put; Alec wanted out. He wanted out now. He needed to get away from everything and everyone and just be on his own. He needed to keep away from other people just to not hurt anyone ever again. He had had enough of that for a couple of lifetimes already. He needed to make sure he wouldn't hurt his _parabatai _like he already had, again. He needed to make sure Magnus didn't have to go through the same ordeal with Alec again and most of all he needed to make sure they knew how sorry he was for putting them through it to begin with.

"I am sorry," Alec said, feeling the tears now freely streaming down his cheeks as if though someone had turned on a tap. "I am so sorry." He could feel Jace's body tense, he could feel his brother's touch being slightly hesitant, but who was Alec to blame him? Seeing as he had lied and provoked, manipulated and lied some more, he was surprised Jace didn't push him away directly. "I just – I am so sorry," Alec repeated feeling his feet giving in under him and he would not have blamed Jace had he let go, but he didn't. He gently sat down, holding Alec up enough so that he was gently placed on the floor next to Jace.

They sat like this for a while, just Alec remembered they had in bed a few nights previously. Alec cried into Jace's arms and the blonde just remained still, his arms and hands holding onto Alec as to not let him disappear. Alec had never been more grateful. He was still crying but his breathing calmed down to a close-to-normal pace.

"Alec?"

"Hm?"

"Why didn't you talk to me?"

Alec hadn't thought about why. It hadn't felt like something he was willing to bother Jace with. So he told him just that.

"I never thought that it was something to bother you with. I had it covered, under control."

"Sure seemed like it." Jace's voice was stern but not unkind and Alec wanted to elaborate.

"I just didn't want to hand you another thing to put on your mind. I thought I'd spare you."

"You think I didn't think about it this way? That I didn't worry every awoken second since I first found you on that floor?" Alec winced at the memory.

"I – I don't know what I was thinking," Alec confessed and dried some tears off with the hem of his black sweater.

"You hurting, hurts me. It has nothing to do with you hurting me yourself. Just the fact that I cannot help you hurts. It hurts knowing that I cannot do anything to make you feel better, but that is not your fault – that is all on me," Jace spoke softly as he twirled strands of Alec's black hair around his long fingers. "Okay?"

Alec nodded into the shoulder and sighed. "I am sorry. I am sorry, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am that I let it go this far." Jace said nothing so Alec continued, talking silently but knowing that Jace could hear him. "I cheated on Magnus, Jace. I cheated so many times I cannot remember. I hurt myself, or tried to, just to make it hurt less. That doesn't make any sense coming out of my mouth, but it made sense. If I could just make myself hurt more than they hurt me, I had control. I decided when it hurt. I – I was the one in power. It worked for a while – until you and Magnus started working against it."

Jace still didn't say anything and Alec sighed, feeling his lips tremble as he spoke. "I just wanted it to stop hurting."

"I can't really blame you," Jace said and Alec heard he, to Alec's surprised, smiled slightly. "I am just surprised you didn't kill anyone in the process –"

"You would have killed someone or gotten yourself killed, we all know that," Alec said before Jace could and he received a light punch on his arm.

"Watch yourself," Jace said and Alec wrapped his arms around his legs.

"I just can't believe I let it happen." He could feel tears swelling in his eyes, again. He was impossibly tired of crying all the time. "I mean, with my training, I should have been able to – "

"They drugged you, Alec." Jace spoke slowly and Alec knew it was so that he would follow, so that he would get every word and not be able to blame it on not ever having heard it. "It was not your fault. None of this was your fault."

"But if I had just –" Alec started but Jace cut him off like so many times before.

"None of it, okay?" Jace repeated and did not continue until Alec voiced his 'okay'. "You mustn't blame yourself for what happened, cause you couldn't have stopped it, seeing as you didn't know it would happen, okay?"

"Okay?"

"Are you just saying okay now?"

Alec choked down a light chuckle. "No," he said, his head still leaned against Jace's warm shoulder. What would he do without Jace?

Both their heads snapped around as they heard the creak of the floor board. Robert Lightwood stood in the door way, his eyes wide and his mouth shaping an 'o'. Alec stumbled on his words, trying to get up from where he sat but his body failed him and he remained seated, but did not have time to speak before his father did. "This – this is what happens. Certain lifestyles leads to this. You will _not_ tell your mother about this, do you hear?" Alec nodded, understanding that their father must have heard enough of the conversation to jump to his own conclusions.

"Are you serious?" Jace said, his voice loud. Alec could feel his body having tensed again.

"Very serious. Your mother has enough to worry about as it is, she does not need another weight on her mind." Robert was about to leave as Alec managed to get words out.

"I'm sorry," he croaked. His throat was still raw. Tears were starting to dry up into salty patches on his cheeks.

Robert said nothing but turned around and left the kitchen. Alec would have wanted him to stay, would have wanted his father to hold him and tell him that it would be alright – that he would find the people responsible. But that was all the imaginations of a childish person. Someone with Alec's upbringing should know that that was not going to happen. Still –

"Had he not been our father I would have had to kick his ass," Jace said, letting out a loud sigh.

"Don't." Alec was exhausted. All he wanted right now was to lie down in a bathtub, let it fill with warm water and stay there until the water was cold. Then he would get up and sleep till the next year. His entire body was soar, every inch from his toes to his throat. His arms ached from fighting Jace and his head from thinking and overthinking the thinking. His fingers from scratching at his skin and the knees from falling onto them when too tired to stand up. He was tired. But most of all he was just tired of being tired.

"Are you telling Magnus?"

Alec looked up, seeing that it had started raining outside. He thought about it for the split of a second before answering. "If I don't, you will." It was not a question as much as a statement.

"You are learning," Jace said and Alec could hear that there was a humor in it.

"I will, I just don't know where to begin with it, to be honest."

"I gave him the basics a while back, I think filling him in on the rest and giving him an apology worth a Grammy should do it. If it doesn't, you send him to me." Jace had Alec's hair back around his fingers and for the first time in a long time he did not mind someone fondling the strands, in fact he enjoyed it. "Do you want me to call him?" Jace asked after a while of silence and inactiveness.

Alec nodded into the shoulder again. He wouldn't know where to begin with Magnus. He would not know how to start a sentence that would reveal what he had fought to keep a secret for almost two months. He knew that his boyfriend knew bits and pieces of what had happened, but still, he was not to keen on voicing it. It would have been so much easier to just dump it in the form of a book for Magnus to read and then come to Alec with questions afterwards. But this was not in any book, and so Alec would have to take it as it was.

"I'll call him first thing in the morning," Jace said silently and bumped into Alec's side with his elbow.

"Actually, do you mind calling him now?"

He could feel Jace's eyes trying to catch his through the black fringe but Alec avoided his glance. Instead Jace reached out and brushed a light finger over the split lip.

"Did I do that?" he asked slowly, not answering Alec's question.

Alec shook his head. "Nah, it was a mistake that I intend to correct. Would you mind calling him for me?"

"Just let me get my phone," Jace repeated and scrambled ungraciously towards the kitchen table where he had left it. Alec watched him return to sit back where he had just moments previously and observed as his _parabatai_'s fingers jumped over the numbers to dial.

"Magnus? Yeah, would you mind coming over? No, no everything is fine." Jace looked over at Alec who felt smaller than he had in a long time. "Actually, it is hard to explain, just come over – and bring something to eat."

"Was he angry?" was the first thing that popped into Alec's head and as Jace shook his head he realized he had voiced the question.

"He only sounded worried, and tired," Jace said and Alec felt guilty.

They sat silent for a few seconds before Alec leaned against Jace's shoulder again. "Do you mind waiting up with me until he gets here?" Jace chuckled and nodded.

"As if I'd leave you now that I finally got you back."


	13. Chapter 13

**°You guys, this update was kind of postponed due to other things I was writing but here it is and I hope you like it. I am leaving for London in a few days so if nothing comes up before then nothing will come up until the end of next week and for this I am sorry. But I only have my two weeks of vacation this summer and I intend to do my most of it :) Anyway, so in love with your reviews and I am eagerly awaiting more :D I hope you all have a lovely summer :)**

**I do not own these characters, they are entirely the property of Cassandra Clare :)°**

**[JACE'S POV]**

Magnus came over in less than an hour.

"You really shouldn't work as a delivery man," Jace said as the warlock came through the doors of the Institute where Jace stood waiting. Upon Magnus' confused look, Jace reminded him that he told Magnus to bring food.

Magnus smirked and snapped his fingers, two white plastic bags of what smelled like Chinese appeared on the floor before Jace. "Now," Magnus said, clapping his hands together, "why am I here?"

"Alec came back," Jace said and picked the bags up.

"What?!" Magnus stared at Jace with those impossibly cat-like eyes and Jace took a step back, holding up the bags before him as a shield.

"Easy there, he is upstairs." Magnus moved towards the stairs. "Sleeping," Jace added quickly before the warlock reached them. "And I think we should let him for at least a little longer. He fought to stay away but walking for forty-eight hours really does take its toll. I mean, I don't think I ever walked that long, at least not in one go." Jace could feel himself talking just for the sake of talking. "Anyway, I was just done carrying him upstairs when you came."

Magnus had calmed a bit but Jace could see that he was still wound up over having Alec so close around. He doubted there was anyone apart from Alec's family that cared as much for the Shadowhunter as Magnus. And that went the other way around, Alec had never cared about anyone as much as he cared about the warlock, not counting family. Jace knew the look Magnus had on his face when he looked at Alec. It was the same that Jace had when he looked to Clary.

They sat at the kitchen table, the silence a bit awkward at first. "He walked around for forty-eight hours?" Magnus asked. Jace nodded.

"I have already scolded him for that, along with being gone consecutive days without a word. But if you want to express your opinion about that as well, I am not going to stop you – he needs to hear it." But in reality Jace hoped Magnus spared Alec of the scolding. He hoped that Magnus let Alec talk it out, for real this time seeing as he had so many times made the attempt or at least pretended to have made the attempt and failed.

"How did you get him to agree to talking about it?" Magnus asked, his hands glowing light blue.

"I gave him the same ultimatum that I have been giving him all this time, only this time he really seemed to grasp it. I didn't do anything in particular. He just – he broke down. I don't know. I have never seen him this way before. He is broken, Magnus. So broken. But he is, as you said, hurting in order to heal and I think that the first step towards the healing-part is telling you what happened."

Magnus nodded and sighed. Jace could see that he was worried about what he might hear but at the same time relieved that he would at last get the truth. Jace recognized those feelings on Magnus' face cause he himself had felt them only a few weeks back as Alec had first told him bits and pieces only to spill it all a while after that. He knew what this did to Magnus; having Alec hurt and then not being able to help; cause he was going through the same thing himself.

Right about then they heard Alec scream upstairs.

**[ALEC'S POV]**

Alec woke up the second his head hit the concrete. It took him a few seconds to realize that it had all been a dream, he was in fact not back. He was first surprised to be back in his bedroom, but had a vague memory of Jace getting him up here. His heart was beating faster from the dream, than he could remember it ever having done. And just as he calmed, he heard steps, running, in the stairs. His heart quickened, but for a whole other reason.

The door flew open, yet made no sound, and Magnus stood in its opening. His hair was all around, colored strands standing up in all directions and his eyes wide with wonder and worry. As he saw Alec sitting in his bed, his hair plastered to his face with sweat and his t-shirt sticking to his torso for the same reason, he exhaled slowly. Alec could see him trying to gather himself. His breathing turned back to normal in seconds as did Alec's.

"Hey," Magnus said as they had looked at each other for a slight while. There was a smile at the corner of his mouth and Alec smiled back.

"Hi."

"Mind if I come in?"

"Sure." Magnus entered and sat down on the bed beside his boyfriend. "We never spent as much time in here as we did at yours but still, what's mine's yours," Alec spoke quickly and made a mental note to speak slower the next time he opened his mouth.

"I like your room. It –" Magnus looked around to find a word, Alec could see it in the way his eyes were darting all over the walls and corners. "It looks – homey." Alec suppressed a chuckle. His room was a mess. There were clothes all over the place, thrown in tantrums and he did not blame Jace for not cleaning it up again. "No really," Magnus added, having heard Alec. "I like it. It is you." Alec looked around and realized that Magnus was right. Sure the clothes were obviously his, but so were the books, neatly stacked in alphabetical order based on genre and publication year. His weapons put away beside his desk for easy access and his notes, filled with studies and research was filed in the right order, or some of them on the desk, still looking as if though they had been worked on over the past hour – when in fact Alec hadn't given them a single thought in over two months. On the walls there was not much in particular, apart from two shelves filled to the brink with books and two frames. One containing a picture of Alec with his two biological siblings (he remembered Jace taking the picture) and then one containing a picture of him and Jace that neither of them had realized that Izzy had taken. Leaned against the same wall stood his bow and arrows.

"Not as changeable as yours," Alec tried but Magnus waved it off.

"Had I managed to make my loft as personal as your room is, I would have kept it that way."

Alec was not sure if it was just something he said or not but he scooted over as Magnus climbed further onto the bed so that they both sat with their backs against the wall with the framed pictures. He chanced a glance at Magnus, seeing the warlock looking straight ahead, his eyes darting over the backs of the books. His eyes stopped at times, squinting to see clearer in the dark room, before continuing onto the next book. Alec enjoyed watching Magnus doing something else. There was always such intense focus to whatever the warlock was doing.

Alec felt something then. He turned to the warlock who had his eyes still on the books, but it was obvious that Alec now had his attention. "I would like to tell you something, but I need you to promise me something," Alec said and Magnus nodded. "Of course."

Sighing a sigh of relief, Alec voiced his condition. "I need you to let me talk and not interrupt, please?"

Magnus said nothing to this but turned to Alec with a look so sincere Alec felt it into the bone. The warlock gave his Shadowhunter a smile, so genuine and true that it would have convinced Alec had he not already decided to spill.

"I was raped. I guess you know that much. I was drugged and raped, after you left me. Jace was not around either and I do not blame either of you for it." Alec needed him to know that. "They left me for dead but Jace found me and brought me back here. I blamed myself for it. I was so certain I could have prevented it or fought back." Alec could see that Magnus itched to file in but he remained silent. Alec was ever so grateful cause he was not sure he would be able to continue if Magnus cut in.

"I hurt myself, I went out looking for things that would bring me so much pain it would make me forget about the pain that was already there; the knowledge of that those men had power over me. So I went back to the club and I slept with – god I don't know how many – but not because I wanted them, all I wanted was the power, the control. "Alec felt his mouth dry up and he took a brief pause, licking his lips, willing himself to continue.

"I needed to be the one in charge. And I had to make sure that I was the one hurting me instead of someone else hurting me. But I ended up hurting those around me instead. I took that out on you. I took it out on Jace. And for that I blamed myself even more. So I hurt myself more. I couldn't get out and the further down I got the angrier I got with you, with Jace, for being there, preventing me from getting more. It seemed like whatever I needed, you two made sure I didn't get it and it took me too long to realize that the only one preventing me from getting what I needed was me. Because what I needed was to sit down and talk about it, but that was the one thing I wouldn't do. I couldn't talk to anyone, cause that would be admitting it happened. And in my head it hadn't happened, cause that would give them the power. My thoughts turned into a broken record and the more times I heard it the truer it felt."

Alec took a break to breathe. He could see on Magnus that he wished for Alec to continue. And Alec was not done yet, so he continued. "I am so pathetically sorry for putting this on you, for taking it out on you and acting the way I did. There are no real excuses for it seeing as I should have just turned to you in the first place, instead of shutting you out. But there is that one feeling where you need to tell someone something so desperately and you work a speech over in your head, over and over. And then as you feel that 'yes, this sounds good' something happens and your entire image of that 'perfect speech' crumbles. I couldn't tell you, because in my head it all sounded ridiculous. In my head it all sounded like excuses for being weak. In my head I was weak and that is one thing I don't want to be. I can't be weak."

"You are not weak," Magnus cut in. Quickly and soft, as if though Alec would not notice it. Alec looked to him and smiled, tears once again – would they ever stop, edging the eyes' sockets.

"I felt weak. I felt pathetic and shameful. I felt so below everything that I've spent years hunting on a daily basis. And how could I even think that I deserved a loving brother, let alone loving family? How could I be so stupid that I thought I deserved you? I could never deserve you. I – " Alec broke off, his throat clogging with tears. He held up a hand as Magnus was to speak. "I need to get it out," he explained and laughed silently to himself. He behaved like someone out of a bad teen-flick. "I just – I have never been as low as I was that night, but somehow I just kept falling and falling. And the further I fell the harder it was for me to get up, it was harder cause it took more to tell you. I would have to explain what happened and I would have to clear out why I hadn't told you earlier and the longer I waited the worse it got. And I – I just need you to know that I am sorry. And I don't blame you. Hell, I don't even blame myself anymore. But that doesn't mean I expect you to forgive me, cause that is something I can't do."

"Can I say something?" Magnus said after having waited for a solid minute.

"After my monologue it would be painful to endure more silence," Alec said and raked his hands through his hair, feeling them tangle on some knots.

"I'll let your monologue be the only one. I just need you to know that I am grateful for you telling me. I am not upset that you didn't do it earlier, I am grateful you did it now."

"I – "

"_And_ you are not pathetic."

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

Magnus could see the tears falling over Alec's cheeks and he leaned in, kissing some of them away. The fact that Alec didn't withdraw or flinch under his touch made all the difference. Magnus' lips touched nothing but Alec's cheeks, their hands clasped in their own laps, but he had never felt closer to the Shadowhunter. He could feel Alec's cheeks puff a bit as he smiled under the kisses and his hands found their way up into the warlocks black and colored strands.

He didn't blame Alec, and what he had said was true. He was grateful Alec had shared it with him. The forgiving part was harder but there were things that were worth forgiving, given that the forgiveness lead to something better, something that would be stronger. And Magnus did not doubt that what he and Alec had would be stronger after this. Alec had after all gone through something that Magnus would rather not begin to imagine and he was still here, right? He still loved Magnus. And he spoke of not deserving the love he got. If there was someone that deserved every ounce of love they got, it was Alexander Lightwood.

Forgetting was more complex than that. Magnus doubted neither he nor Jace and Alec would ever forget this. It would probably always be a reoccurring nightmare for Alec. Magnus knew that he and Jace shared the same reluctance to ever leaving Alec alone in the same situation again, maybe even alone at all. They wouldn't forget any of it, but then again; maybe that was what made them stronger in the end. They knew how to handle this, maybe it would help them handle things that were to happen in the future?

"Magnus?"

"Yes?" Magnus looked down at the Shadowhunter that had laid down on his lap, his fingers tracing small patterns on Magnus' thighs. The warlock's fingers were tangled up in the black strands of the boy that he loved so dearly. He pushed them aside only to push them back again. Repeating it over and over.

"I love you," Alec said quietly, hesitantly. It was almost as if though he was scared Magnus would not give him the answer he wanted.

"I love you too, Alexander."

Smiling into Magnus' thigh, Alec drew larger patterns and Magnus could see his eyelids getting heavier and heavier as he fell closer to sleep. Suddenly the fondling was interrupted by a loud growl and they both looked down at Alec's stomach, Alec's eyes slightly dazed. Magnus let out a slight chuckle.

"I did bring food, if that is to any interest?"


	14. Chapter 14

**°Okay so this chapter I had worked out and pretty much written before I even started on the second chapter. Somehow I just knew how to write it and I kinda worked everything else around it. There was this one song that I had on repeat when writing this (Lay Me Down with Same Smith) that really helped :) I hope you enjoy reading this as much I enjoyed writing it :)**

**I don't own the characters,, Cassandra Clare does, but if I did this is what they'd be up to most of the time :)°**

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

"Don't let me disturb you," Jace smirked. "I'm heading out – be as loud as you want." Jace's face turned hard as stone the second after. "But split my brother's lip again and I'll make sure you wish you hadn't," he added, looking at Magnus. Not sure whether he was joking or not, Magnus just nodded and watched Alec watching Jace as he left the Institute.

They had had dinner, not as loudly and communicative as they usually did, but it had been relaxing. It was a long time since Alec sat down with Magnus and did something as normal as having dinner. No one screamed or cried. No one left and was gone for a longer period of time. Magnus had enjoyed it. He knew Alec had as well cause all the while the Shadowhunter had been holding onto Magnus' hand under the table, squeezing it hard at times. After Jace leaving they found themselves in Alec's room. Alec had yawned an awful lot and Magnus did not mind spending some time, just watching his boyfriend sleep. As long as he was around. But sitting on the bed, Alec did not appear sleepy. Instead, he appeared in deep thought, smiling up at Magnus occasionally when he was found staring. But Magnus could not help staring. There was just something about this boy that had you unable to look away. Was in the hard cheek bones? The full lips that he so endearingly licked whenever stressed or bit when focused? The slight stubble on his chin and jaw? The black hair that seemed to fall in perfect strands even when they stood imperfectly into all directions? Or was it the blue eyes that looked like they told too many stories and kept too many secrets for any normal eighteen year old to have? There was only one thing about Alec's face right now, that really differed from what he normally looked like. The split lip, and it was not that he didn't have them occasionally, it was just that Magnus was never the cause.

"I'm sorry about this," Magnus said leaning in after a few long minutes of silence, tracing Alec's lips slightly before brushing his own lips against them. And he honestly was sorry about it. He had never in his wildest imagination –

Alec cut off his thinking. "It is alright. I provoked you, I deserved it –"

"You never did anything to deserve it, you hear? You never did anything to deserve anyone hurting you."

Alec pressed his lips so instantly against Magnus' that they were both taken by surprised and caught on their own breath. Within a millisecond the warlock's hands were on Alec's hips, pressing him down into the bed. Alec's hands were on Magnus' lower back, forcing him down along with the Shadowhunter.

Magnus' entire body screamed for Alec. Ever inch of his being wanted more and closer. He wanted closer than he had ever been before and he needed it now. There was not a single part of Alec's body that he did not wish to explore with his own and he needed Alec to know that. His large hands found their way under Alec's shirt and traced his chest and shoulders. Meanwhile, Alec's hands found their way to the belt of Magnus' pants and tore at it, his fingers fumbling in the dark. The memory of Alec doing that before played in the back of Magnus mind just then and he thought of the previous times they had been in the same position.

"Alec – wait," Magnus panted. He felt his chest heaving and saw Alec's do the same. Those blue eyes staring up at him in confusion, dark with lust. Magnus had to restrain himself, with whatever power he had, not to ignore his thought and continue. "I need to know that this is not one of your ways to get what you want." He regretted it the second he said it cause the look of hurt on Alec's face was instant, though Magnus had no idea how he could have phrased it differently – cause he needed it said.

Alec sat up in the bed and Magnus followed. His eyes trying to catch Alec's again but the Shadowhunter kept looking away. Until he looked up and his eyes met Magnus, steadily. "Magnus," he said, leaning in, really closely so that they could see each other clearly in the moonlight. He took Magnus' hands in his own. "I want you," he said it, without hesitation or doubt. "I want all of you and not because I need it for my own selfish cause again, but because I need _you_. I need to feel _you_ and not a sadistic form of power." All the while he was speaking he placed kisses on Magnus' face and hands, never breaking eye contact.

"I know but –"

"No, no buts. I promise." Alec climbed Magnus' lap and leaned in. His lips fell so softly against Magnus' that he swore they felt like feathers. "I love you." Alec mumbled so quietly Magnus hardly heard him, but he smiled nonetheless.

"Just as I love you," he replied and he could feel Alec's cheeks move into a smile as well. They felt wet.

Magnus looked up and pulled away to find Alec's cheeks tearstained. He wasn't crying hard, he didn't even look like he was crying because he was sad. Tears simply fell down his cheeks, quietly and gently as if though there was no other way for them to fall. He was smiling, small droplets of salt water making their way into his mouth. Magnus leaned in to kiss them away. They tasted undoubtedly of salt, but also of honesty.

Alec so hardly showed emotions with others. And when he did they were intense. The same with love. He loved like most Shadowhunters, true and with passion, as if though there might not be a tomorrow. And that was the way Magnus loved him back. Cause there might not be.

**[ALEC'S POV]**

Alec felt his tears fall and watched as Magnus picked their hands up, still placed in Alec's lap, kissing the tears on them away, moving back to the salty drops on the Shadowhunter's neck and shoulder blades. Alec felt himself shiver under the touch and leaned his head to give Magnus further access. For the first time in too long Alec did not cringe under Magnus' touch. He did not feel like crawling out of his skin and bury himself. He did not feel like running away or screaming for him to stop. For once he was feeling as safe as he could possibly be. He felt at home. He felt Magnus shift under him and was moved to lay down. His shirt was removed, as was Magnus'. Alec could hear them falling to the floor.

Their kisses were long and full to the brink with things to tell. The tips of their tongues danced calmly against each other and they took turns smiling into the kiss. Neither's hands roamed the other's body. They just peacefully let their fingers trace patterns on each other's bodies. Magnus on Alec's chest and Alec on Magnus' shoulder.

Magnus suddenly pulled away. His eyes focused on Alec's. The Shadowhunter felt himself tense.

"What?" he asked, his hands nervously finding their way to and starting to fidget with Magnus' hair.

"You are beautiful," Magnus replied simply, as if though it was the most obvious thing.

Alec felt himself blush as he reached up and pulled Magnus in for another kiss.

**[MAGNUS'S POV]**

The kiss soon enough turned fiercer and fiercer, their hands getting more and more impatient of tracing taunt muscles and calloused skin. Magnus could feel Alec's hands tearing at the pants and he let him. It had been such a long time. Magnus smoothly got out of the garment and rid Alec of his sweatpants. Smiling through the panting, Alec looked up into the cat-like eyes and Magnus felt his stomach turn with lust. It was as if though someone stabbed him in the stomach and he heard himself growl in the back of his throat before turning so that Alec lay underneath him. His hands found their way into Alec's briefs and teased slightly before he grabbed the erection.

"Ah shit," Alec moaned and his back arched, pressing him closer to the warlock.

Smiling to himself, Magnus started pumping and raveled at the sight of Alec squirming under his touch, his eyes not fully open but not closed. His mouth slightly open, letting out silent 'uh' and 'ah's. Then Magnus stopped. He enjoyed the sight of realization that came upon Alec's face. Stripping Alec of the briefs and then getting out of his own, had the Shadowhunter's face change and turn into pure need. Alec slowly mounted Magnus, his hands buried deep in black hair. Magnus swiftly moved to get a condom on, before engaging his lips with Alec's once more.

"Please," Alec said. Magnus grasped the plead though nothing else was said. He let two fingers, wet with saliva, reach Alec's rear which he pushed into, grasping each emotion that passed on Alec's face. First slight pain, then discomfort and as Magnus worked up a proper scissoring motion, need for more. Alec nodded into Magnus' shoulder, letting out approving mumbles. Magnus smiled into the nape of his boyfriend's neck as he kept on going for a short while, before pulling out. Alec didn't complain, seeing as he knew what was replacing the fingers. As they joined in a kiss, Magnus let him steer and moaned loudly as Alec slid down onto him. He could feel Alec bit his lower lip, but let him. He could taste the blood of it but did not mind.

The pace was slow and steady, Magnus enjoying watching Alec, who enjoyed each thrust. His lips curving into a tight smile and his eyes clenched shut.

"Hey?" Magnus groaned and the Shadowhunter's eyes snapped open immediately, pupils large only to shrink as they focused on Magnus. "So gorgeous," Magnus breathed and Alec's mouth curved upwards to the left. His tongue licked the bottom lip before biting it, not taking his eyes from Magnus'. The warlock knew that this was a thing of Alec's. He had come to realize that much. Alec knew what Magnus wanted and he gave it to him. Jesus, he did give it to him.

Alec sat up more straight and rocked his hips along with Magnus' thrusts, his hands just above Magnus' waist to keep balance. The nails dug into Magnus' skin but he didn't mind. He could feel his forehead moist with sweat and saw Alec's hair stick to the nape of his neck.

"Please, " Alec said, but this time not as a plead, but as a demand. His eyes were hard on Magnus', who only smirked, placing his hands on Alec's hips to push him down further, keeping him there as he thrusted upwards.

Alec's eyes were wild and dark, his hair sticking to his skin and his chest heaving with hard ragged breaths. He had reached down to start jerking himself off, letting out small growls that he tried to keep in the back of his throat but hardly succeeded even once. Magnus smiled at it and chuckled between his own hard breaths.

"I'll –" Alec started but didn't finish the sentence. Magnus knew what he was going to say though – he himself was on the brink of coming. He watched Alec as he did, feeling himself being pushed over the pleasurable edge.

As they had ridden it out, Alec fell over Magnus chest, his body hot and moist. Magnus brought his arms around the Shadowhunter automatically and kissed the crown of his head and their breathing slowed down.

**[ALEC'S POV]**

It had been so long since Alec had felt this close to a person. Surely, Magnus and him had been close but this was just one step further than they'd been before. He had felt closer to Jace since they became _parabatai_ and this was about as close as Alec could get to that feeling with someone but his brother. He honestly didn't think he could. Not since –

Magnus had made him forget everything for a short while, it had gotten back to him as they fell closer and closer to sleep but for once Alec didn't feel the panic coming onto him, but more of a calm that Magnus was beside him. He almost felt as if though he was folded into Magnus, safe and sound – able to just sleep and sleep and wake up, still feeling safe.

Alec woke up from Magnus' phone ringing. Gazing over at the digital clock at the screen he saw that it was 1.36AM. Magnus picked up immediately.

"Jace? You what!?" Magnus sat up so instantly that Alec felt himself bump up and down on the bed as Magnus shifted on it. His head told him to get up and figure out what was going on but his body told him to stay still and just go back to sleep. Suddenly Magnus turned to him and Alec could see, through the light of the moon shining through the window, that the cat-like eyes were shining wildly. "Alec get up."


	15. Chapter 15

**°Yes, yes this chapter is so damn late, and I am sorry. Vacations called and then I might have started reading The Maze Runner series and I can't write when I am in the middle of a series hehe OH WELL here the chapter is and I am sorry to say that this is actually the last one; undoubtedly. Yup. I am so utterly thankful for your lovely, funny, hoping, inspiring, theory-plotting, sometimes desperate and always appareciated reviews and thank you to everyone that followed this. I actually put it up as a one shot and did not think that I would get this sort of response. Anyway, this is not a winning speech from American Idol - BUT THANK YOU. I hope everyone got something out of this ending and please do let me know, one last time, what you thought about the ending that I am fairly torn about hehe.**

**Oh and do me a favour and listen to Closure by No Sleep For Lucy when reading this :)**

**I don't own these flawless balls of fluff; Cassandra Clare does and even though I've borrowed them now for a while, I am prepared to hand them back °**

**[ALEC'S POV]**

It felt like someone had torn Alec out of his own skin. The second he had gotten out of bed and put a hoodie on, Magnus grabbed him by the arm; hurrying down to the one room in the Institute that had a Portal. They stepped through it quickly; Magnus ignoring all of Alec's attempts to figure out what was going on.

"Did something happen?"

"Is Jace hurt?"

"Where are we going?"

"Can you please answer?"

As they reached the Portal Alec was bordering to desperate, but Magnus only froze, taking Alec's face in his hands, leaning in for a quick kiss. "Trust me," he said. "Can you?"

Alec wanted to say no; he wanted answers. But he nodded. He did trust Magnus.

As they had gotten through the Portal, Alec's head spun. Whether it was from getting up and moving about too quickly or simply from the fact that he just defied mundane logic, it didn't matter. He still had to grab Magnus' upper arm to regain balance.

"Are you alright, Alexander?" Magnus asked, unable to mask the concern in his voice.

Alec nodded sheepishly. "I just – a lot of moving all of a sudden," he added with a slight smile and received a peck from his boyfriend.

"Come here," Magnus said as he started walking and Alec followed him until they reached a familiar door. Connected to a familiar alley. With a familiar sound coming from the building it was attached to. All of a sudden he knew what was going down. Alec could feel Magnus eyeing him for a reaction but Alec just looked straight ahead. He was not going in there.

"I am not going in there," he said simply, voicing his thoughts, as Magnus took another step forward.

"Huh?"

"I am not going."

"Alexander –"

"No you don't understand; I am not going in there." He did not know how he would be able to explain this to his boyfriend.

"I can't force you, but for your own sake I think it would be better to confront it. Just once to get it out of your system." Magnus made sense, but –

"If I go in there I don't trust myself with what I might do," he said simply, hoping that would be enough explanation as to why he wished to remain outside that door. Magnus looked deep in thought. He nodded before stepping around so that he stood facing Alec completely. He took the Shadowhunter's face in his hands and had Alec look up into his eyes. The eyes that Alec loved so dearly.

"I am with you, okay? If you want to leave then we will leave, but if you go in there I will be beside you every step. I am not leaving." At that he moved his thumb ever so slightly, brushing it against the lobe of Alec's ear before leaning in to place a slow kiss on Alec's lips.

"Let's go," Alec said, Magnus' lips still on his. He could feel Magnus stiffen.

"Yeah?" the warlock asked, their lips still connected, now resting each other's foreheads against one another.

"Yeah."

Magnus smiled into the kiss and leaned out before leaning again, this time with his lips against Alec's forehead. "The second you want out, we leave. I promise." Alec could feel him inhale the scent of Alec's hair. Magnus had bought him that shampoo.

"Let's go," Alec repeated, not trusting himself to wait another second.

As they entered the room, what they found surprised Alec. Jace sat on the backs of one of the men that had attacked Alec; the brunette one. The other two lay, just as the third with their hands tied behind their backs. They all had cuts and oncoming bruises but Jace looked really unbothered, almost bored. He looked up from eyeing his nails as he heard Alec and Magnus.

"Ah, bless the Angel. I was almost starting to get impatient," he said as he stood up, making no effort himself but basically bouncing of the brunette. "I figured you wouldn't notice if one of them were unconscious, or you know – dead – as you got around."

"I am actually surprised you managed to keep your hands off them to this extent," Magnus said, honest surprise in his voice. Alec too was a bit amazed with Jace's self-restraint.

"I live to surprise," Jace said, handing out a hard kick to the person closest to his feet; the blonde, who groaned loudly through the gags he and his friends had been given.

"I would ask you how you managed to get them all yourself, but seeing as they look like rats, I bet they fight like them as well." Magnus was talking for the sake of talking. Alec knew that. He knew that Magnus just waited for Alec to do something; anything. But to be honest. Alec did not really know what to do.

The blonde kept moaning loudly, squirming, looking towards them as if he wanted to say something.

"Don't you speak. You hear me? I ought to rip your tongue out of your mouth and have ducks step all over it!" Jace said as he leaned down and grabbed the blonde's hair in his fist, pulling him up by it. "But I think my brother here is going to have to make that decision for me," Jace added as he looked to Alec who froze. There was complete silence for a short while before Jace's patience ran out, possibly shortened by the blonde's inability to keep quiet. "I think I will make that decision for myself." He then ripped the gag of none too gently.

"What the hell is wrong with you peo–"

Alec surprised himself with taking three steps forward, out of the door way, and placing his foot in the middle of the blonde's face. The leather connecting with the face with a loud thump; the blonde falling back onto his back on the concrete floor. He could see Jace move to help, but Magnus letting out a hand to stop him. At this point Alec did not care. Taking a few more steps forward, he placed his boot covered foot on the cheek of the man, pressing down. Blood was sipping from his nose as well as his eyebrow. Alec smiled viciously and stepped off only to place another kick to the man's stomach, seeing him fold in on his himself as he tried to cover himself to no avail seeing as his hands were tied. Tears were starting to form and fall on his cheeks.

Alec remember that one night. "No need to cry princess," he said mockingly – remembering the words all too well. "I'll take care of you."

Magnus winced at the spoken words; Alec could see from the corner of his eye but kept his focus on the blond at his feet. "Oh trust me, I will take care of you." He felt anger rising in his chest, his stomach – basically in his entire body. He had never felt such rage towards a human being before. He could see the blonde's eyes tracing his boots as he started walking around him, enjoying the sight of the man shaking at his feet. There was a slightly mumble still coming from the man's mouth. He had no gag on anymore but the words were still not comprehensive. "I'm sorry, were you saying something?" Alec asked as he leaned in slightly. The man hadn't more than spat out some blood and opened his mouth before Alec kicked it again. This time he was sure he had managed to rid the blonde of some of his teeth as well.

"Oh. I. Will. Take. Bloody. Good. Care. Of. You." Alec placed a kick with each word, feeling himself work up a sweat. He took his jacket off; tossing it at Jace without looking, who caught it automatically. He kept on kicking until the man moaned no more.

Then he looked up at Jace and Magnus who both stared at Alec with a mixture between approval and bewilderment. Alec didn't like that look so he moved on to the man with black hair. The hair was by now sticking to his forehead with sweat. The man was basically reeking with fear. Alec hunched down. "Is this seat taken?" The man looked up in puzzlement. "Can I get you something to drink?" The man looked even more confused. "Seriously," Alec added.

The man made to start speaking but Alec let his fist collide with the man's jaw before a single word was uttered. He chuckled silently at the man's stupidity; thinking Alec _would_ get him a drink. He turned serious again the blink of an eye. "A no is a fucking no." Alec threw a punch. "Always."

Alec kept on swinging. He kept on smashing and hitting. He kept on going until the gag had fallen off and the man's face was close to unrecognizable. Then he smashed it onto the ground, once. Twice. Thrice. He smashed so many times he lost count. Suddenly Jace took a step forward and placed a hand on Alec's arm, but he only shook it off.

He took the raven haired man's head in his hands once again and, with all the power he possessed, flung it down onto the ground. He winced at the crack the head made as it collided with the hard surface. The man let out a slight whimper before remaining dead-still on the ground. Alec leaned in, pushing some of the black hair from the man's face. "I'm sorry." He had never meant anything less.

Turning to the last of the three; the brunette, Alec smiled a cold smile and he could see the man's eyes widen. "You might have thought that was bad," Alec said menacingly. He motioned down to the man lying on the concrete, his head possibly split open; far from recovery. "But oh, you'll love this," he added, using the brunette's own words.

Turning to Jace, he took two long strides before pulling Jace's dagger out of his belt. His _parabatai_ did not object or move to stop Alec. He even moved his hand to make the taking easier. Alec threw the dagger up and caught it without effort. He saw the brunette's gaze follow the knife. Watching the cold eyes brought Alec satisfaction. He hunched down beside the man, twisting the knife back and forth in his hand, watching the eyes trace its every move.

"I bet you know where this goes," Alec said, an eyebrow raised. When the man started screaming into his gag Alec just smiled. Then he nodded. "I'm afraid what goes around, comes around. This time through the back door."

He stood back up and walked up behind the brunette. He could see him thrashing around on the ground; he didn't blame him. So he placed a hard kick at he man's ribs to have him loose his breath and remain still for just a little while; he did not need longer. Alec got read to strike –

Alec suddenly felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He froze and looked around. He was still stood in the same place, having snapped out of his mind's play. The three men before them had remained where Alec had walked in on them. Two of them lying down, the third on his knees; his hair in Jace's fist. He still had his gag on. Magnus' hand gave his shoulder a light squeeze and Alec looked into his cat-like eyes.

"So?" Magnus asked, an eyebrow raised.

Alec's mouth formed into an evil smirk and he turned back to the trio. "You know what?" He could see Jace and Magnus's eyes questioning his next move. "Do whatever you please with them," he said; knowing that Jace and Magnus knew he spoke direct honesty to them. At that he turned and walked out. On his way he heard the common crackle of Magnus's blue sparks, probably flying from his fingers by now and he could almost see the smirk playing on the warlocks lips. Then came the crack of Jace's knuckles before a long sound of metal against metal came as he took out his blades – Alec pictured Jace's eyes glowing like gold as he did so. Alec ignored the gaged screams and pleads of the three as he turned the corner, hearing it being muffled even further; probably from a silence spell put by Magnus. He let out a loud sigh. For the first time he properly felt like he had let go of the past with no need of reliving it.


End file.
